Patriarchal Blessings

I am a snoop. That makes being a mail girl the perfect job for me. Which is why it is completely understandable that when two large manilla envelopes came for two residents from the same person... I knew that they were Patriarchal Blessings. Because they're in the same envelope and from the same person that mine arrived in 7 months ago. It made me remember about mine.
I chose not to get my Patriarchal Blessing while I was in high school. I felt like I wasn't ready for what it would say. I also had a worthiness complex: I felt that I wasn't worthy enough, and my blessing would be better if I was more worthy. A year after high school I realized that only one other of my member friends hadn't recieved hers yet. Right before going away to college, she recieved hers. That left me. It wasn't for another 3 or 4 months that I felt like I was ready and prepared to recieve my Patriarchal Blessing, but by that time there wasn't enough time to get it before I left for BYU. So I went without.
6 months after being at BYU I had a slight... mental breakdown. Well, I suppose it was more of a spiritual breakdown. I wasn't positive that the church was true. I had my feelings, but everything that had personally happened to me I could reason away as a coincidence. For whatever reason I felt compelled to recieve my Patriarchal Blessing. It is this decision that has made me the person that I am today.
I recieved my blessing on a beautiful July Sunday afternoon. Rochelle drove me, and walked me in. I had studied about them all day. I was ready for this. But as I prepared to walk into the Patriarch's house, I wondered if this was real. I wondered if God would really have a special message just for me.
As the Patriarch and I sat in his living room alone, I was terrified and on the verge of crying. As soon as he placed his hands on my head the tears started rolling down my cheeks, and it was in that moment that I knew that the church was true without a doubt. It also firmly solidified my knowledge that the priesthood is real. It's hard to express the feelings and thoughts that I had, but it was the most amazing experience I have ever had in my life.
I did it on my own, and I think that that was really important for me. I know that this is something that has caused a wedge between my mother and I, but I am so grateful that I did it all by myself. It made me feel in control of my own spirituality and it allowed me to view myself in another light.
Seeing those envelopes today reminded me of the feelings that I had last summer. Now, as my younger brother ponders whether or not to get one... I love him. And I hope that he has the same opportunity to recieve one as I have. I know that when my older brother recieved his it didn't seem to me that he changed at all. But, he never had faith in the first place. Jacob, on the other hand, I have full faith in. I believe if he were to get his Patriarchal Blessing, that it would change his life for the better.