A More Random Post

As I am still under par for my blog posts this month, I've decided that I can give myself one for no reason whatsoever.

Why do we tend to think less of ourselves than others do? It's something I've thought about more recently. A couple weeks ago, while trying to procrastinate some assignment, I started going through some old documents saved on my laptop. There was a document that I had written a year ago about what I believed I did and did not deserve. Apparently I had been sitting in the testing center and I had spotted someone from one of my classes. I'd always been impressed by him. He had this serious demeanor and was always asking the tough questions about the Gospel. I watched him as he sat down and prayed before taking his test. Now trust me, I pray literally every time I'm in the testing center... most people do. But it struck me that for whatever reason, I didn't think that I deserved a man like him.

Rereading that made me angry. How dare I have ever thought that? But that's not the only time I've thought that I haven't deserved a young man. Over the summer there was a boy I liked who scored all 6s (out of 6) on his interview for our current job, whereas I had scored an average of something like a 3.5. I thought to myself that I didn't deserve him, as he was a 6 and I a measly 3.5. Again I regarded myself as not good enough for another person.

I wonder why it is that people feel that they are not good enough. Even now I sit here and wonder if I am really good enough for a certain person. Why do we doubt ourselves? Why do we not own up to the amazing beings that we are?

Boyd once printed out a well known quote for me. It says, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world... we are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone... as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

In all honesty, just about every single person I come into contact with is a person that I find to be exemplary and amazing. But how many of them feel that about themselves? We all have different strong points: some of us are athletic, intellectual, musical, and others domestic. That doesn't even begin to cover the characteristics of the people that I know. I think that it is easy to see how wonderful someone else is, but then when we look inward we see all our short comings. Maybe it's just easier to not think that we are amazing creatures of God because it sounds haughty or stuck up. I assure you: you and I are both incredible. And you and I both deserve the best.

P.S. This is about as open as I'm going to be getting on the "world wide web". Savor it.