55 Days...

Until my 21st birthday. What the heck am I going to do?

What I Want to be for Halloween

Too bad I'm not bald. Then I could really pull this off! :)

Costume Contest

Last night Boyd, Hayley and I spent our Saturday night in the library. On the way home, the following conversation took place:

H: Do you think that you could marry someone with a physical deformity?
B: She did date Dave.
H: He wasn't deformed.
J: He did have a really big nose.
H: Yeah, but it wasn't that big.
J: And a really small chin.
H: Yeah, it kind of just looked like he was wearing a costume. But he hadn't put the clothes part on yet. Kind of like he was waiting backstage for "The Hobbit" to start.

BAHAHA! I just love our weird conversations! They're terrific!

I Love Tyra!

I'm watching Tyra right now, and it's an episode about hazing. That's not really the point. The point is, that she just mentioned that obesity is when you're 100 Lbs overweight. I am not obese! Suck on that, health teacher! You can stop staring at me during the obesity portions now!

YES!

The Lord Knows Us

“The Lord knows who we really are, what we really think, what we really do, and who we really are becoming.”
David A. Bednar, “Things as They Really Are,” CES fireside for young adults, May 3, 2009

Isn't that comforting? I really liked this for some reason. Sometimes I think about how I don't even know myself, yet my Heavenly Father knows me, everything I think, and what I will do in the future. It's comforting, yet crazy! :)

Did Ya Happen to See the Daily Universe?

Today's edition of The Daily Universe featured an article entitled "24 Dates in 24 Days". First of all, interesting concept, whatever. I don't really care. What I care about... is the huge picture on the front page! Check out guy #5! Look a little familiar? Why, it's our very own Craig Estep! Oww oww, Craig! ;)

Cadavers

On Monday I had my first experience with a real cadaver. I was so scared! I even thought about bring Devour, just in case I vomited all over the floor. I didn't vomit, but I did have some creepy thoughts... about cannibalism. Yes, I said it. It wasn't like I actually wanted to eat the cadaver, that's not it at all. But my first station was just the arm part of the cadaver. Now, all the skin was peeled away so all you could see was the muscle part. Staring at it, I realized just how much it looked like steak. And then I started thinking about how that would be the portion you would eat, if you had an issue with needing to eat someone's arm for whatever reason. Now, these thoughts sickened me more than the actual dismembered arm did. Really, the worst part was the hand, that still had the skin and the nails and was this weird deep reddish brown color. And on the full cadavers, there were lips and eyelashes still... it was weird.

Book Club!

I'm excited. Boyd and Hayley were over the other night, and Boyd saw this book on my bookshelf called "Read it and Eat". Pretty much, it's a book club book. Each month has a theme with four books to choose from, and each book has a menu that goes along with it to eat at your book club. I thought that it was genius, so I bought it when I saw it! I've always wanted to have a book club, but I never have had one because no one else ever really seemed interested. But alas, Boyd and Hayley were interested! And now, we are having a book club with some select friends. I am excited. And I'm in charge of October! So, we're reading Coast to Coast Ghosts. I'm excited. Did I already say that? I think so. :)

Really? REALLY?

"Auditioners:
Thanks to all of you for participating in Humor U's Open-mic. We were pleased by the number of people who auditioned and the over-all quality of the performances.
Because of the number of people who try out and the number of openings we have, we cannot invite everyone to call-backs. We appreciate the effort that went into your audition.
Thanks,
Jefferson Snow
-- Humor U"

There. Proof.

I really don't want to hear anything along the lines of the following:
"You know in your heart that you were one of the best."
"Don't let the opinions of the judges bother you."
"You're going to be just fine."
"Obviously Heavenly Father just didn't want you to be in Humor U."
"You're still one of the funniest people I know!"
"There's something better for you out there."
"There's a reason that you didn't get in."
"At least you know that you weren't rejected because you weren't funny."
"You can try again next year!"
"You should try Laugh Out Loud or Divine Comedy!"
"Look on the bright side of things!"

Things I do like to hear include the following:
"Were they deaf?"
"They're sexist. (Enter in any male derogatory term you can think of)."
"They were afraid that you'd out perform them."
"We should boycott. I'm never going to their shows again!"
"I effing hate everyone in Humor U."
"The people in Humor U aren't even funny."
"They were jealous of your hott bod."

Look, this is how I feel, and if you don't like it, you can just stop reading right now. Because this is my blog, and I am the authority when it comes to said blog. I am pissed off. And I'm sad. I feel like a failure. I feel like I've just added another rejection to my ever growing list.
I really felt like I had this one in the bag. I did an awesome job. People laughed during my entire set. Were there people that were funnier? Yes. But not a lot. And I am not being egotistic here. I did a great effing job. Not many other people did.
For an entire 24 hours I held my head up just a little higher than I did the day before. I felt like I had something. For once I felt like I was coming out on top. For once I wasn't going to have to say no to a study abroad, or have an idiot for a boyfriend, or have the lamest job ever, or have the leftover calling at church, or be pissed off about the current situation in my life. For an entire 24 hours I felt really good about myself. I felt like I was awesome. I felt like for once, I was going to get something great. I deserved it, and I earned it. I thought that I was going to have something that made me proud of the person that I was. I thought that I was actually going to have something that would allow me to share my talents with others. I felt worthwhile.

And now, I don't. I don't really effing care that my friends say that I'm funny. That's not validating. Your friends have to say nice things about you. What I do care about is the fact that I feel like a mediocre, left over person. I look around BYU and I do not feel special in any way. I don't feel especially gifted, talented, or smart. I wanted something for me. And I have nothing. I have a crappy job, where even though I've been there longer than everyone but one person, I make less than at least half the people there. I do not out perform anyone in class. Professors do not take a liking to me. I am a nameless faceless person. I'm not attractive. I'm not even friendly. People do not tend to take me seriously. I am not spiritual. I can't even get picked within the top 75% of people for a sports team. Probably 90%. All I have is the fact that I am funny. And I wanted to show it off. And I can't even do that.

Marie has basketball.
Rebecca EMT.
Becky Rugby.
Hayley has two freaking sweet jobs that will actually help her advance her position in life.
Hilary and Ashley are freaking gorgeous.
Rochelle is friends with everyone.
Sydney is an artist.
Megan is a terrific blogger.
Is there really something wrong with wanting to be able to add "Jessica is in Humor U" to that list?

I know that I will be okay. But do I believe that I didn't get into Humor U as part of Heavenly Father's grand scheme in life for me, or because there's something better for me just around the corner? H no. Do I really believe in my heart that I am funny? Yes. Do I believe that I am exceptionally funny? Yes. And that's why not getting into Humor U is so devastating. Because I am good enough. And it's just one more let down in my life that I don't understand the need for.

And if my Women's Health teacher stares at me one more time while mentioning obesity, or if she calls on everyone else with their hand raised except for me, I'm going to effing flip her off.

And yes, I do have major doubts that any man will ever like it enough to put an effing ring on it.

The end.

Obviously.

Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

It always was the story of my life.

Failure. And. Disappointment.

Countdown...

I may or may not have been checking my email as much as every 20 minutes the last day and a half. As 8pm approaches, my hope for a call back diminishes. 6.5 hours left. Can I even make it that long? I really thought that I was going to get a call back... and now, with only 6.5 hours left, I'm really coming to believe that I won't.

That.
Would.
Just.
Be.
The.
Story.
Of.
My.
Life.

In Case You Missed It...

I tried out for Humor U tonight. If you were anywhere near me you know that I was shaking and clammy. However, my wonderful roommate Marie agreed to film my set, and here it is, just for you! So within 24 hours I'll find out if I get a call back, but so far, the reviews have been really good. Let's hope! I'd also really like to thank everyone that came. I was so scared and nervous and knowing that so many people were there supporting me was really comforting. I'll be honest, I got up there and told the midget joke, and I heard Doug laugh, and that was when I knew it was going to be okay. So... thanks to... Levi, Rochelle, Jowanza, Beca, Boyd, Hayley, Megan, Sam, Rowena, Chelsey, Blanca, Christina, Marie, Callie, Esther, Parker, Dave, Amanda, Becky(!), Ashley, Doug, Lisa, Rachel, Sydney and Danielle. If I forgot you, I'm sorry! But thanks, guys, you really helped me out! :)

"That line wasn't part of my prepared message."

This is a shout out to Levi. He sat outside the Marriott Center starting at 6am to get good seats to see the prophet speak this morning. I came at 9:15, and he let me go in with him. That is real love.

The doors opened at 9:30, and Hayley joined us right before. They opened the doors and Hayley took off running down the stairs. I went slower, taking up quite a large breadth of the stairwell. The people behind me were yelling at each other to go faster, and then the one right behind me screamed that they couldn't. They couldn't because even though there was a large gap between Hayley and I, I was taking up the entire stairway. My shoe fell off. And I kept going.

We got floor seats. For the prophet's devotional. That is awesomeness for sure.

I loved it. I loved the absolute silence that descended as President Monson walked into the building. I loved the spirit that fell upon the crowd. I loved the silent singing of "We Thank Thee, Oh God, For a Prophet". I loved being able to see the prophet's every facial muscle move without the use of a screen. Lastly, I especially loved the quiet confirmation of the truthfulness of the gospel.

My favorite parts of Monson's talk were his dumbfounded stares across the pulpit. "He wasn't in the navy like I was. That line wasn't part of my prepared message". The best blank stare was definitely after he mentioned that one of the prophets before him loved to eat crumbled date bread in milk with a spoon. When he left, he waved at us. It was terrific. He is terrific.

P.S. I still want to throw up everytime I think about the fact that in less than 24 hours, I'm going to be auditioning for Humor U.

Wom[a]n on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown

Last year I saw that naughty movie at the IC called Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown. That's how I started to feel today.
I was so tired last night that I wanted to be in bed at 9:30. Instead I stayed up until 11:30.
Then I got up a little later than usual today, but I studied for an hour for my anatomy quiz.
I was on my way to work at 11 am.
I almost got hit by a car while riding my bike to work.
Right before I got there I got a call from the desk attendant that it was really busy and I needed to come in.
Story of my life that there was tons of mail the day I decided to actually take advantage of the flexibility of my job.
There was tons of mail.
I ripped my shirt on the mailboxes, adding another casualty to the one from last week that ripped.
Carts wouldn't go through the door ways.
My hair is shorter than expected.
People wanted more from me than I wanted to give.
And then I almost started to cry at the desk.
And then Dave bought me cookies and milk. :)
It was sweet. In a non-wanting to date him kind of way.
He was also the first person to realize that I had gotten my hair cut.
Then I went to o-chem. I was completely lost. As usual.
My anatomy lab quiz went better than I had thought it would.
I know someone in my lab section. She's great.
But Anatomy Lab always equals brain meltdown.
And I still have homework to do for tomorrow.
And I'm really worried about my audition. Like vomit in my mouth worried.
And then I felt pressured to go to FHE, not even necessarily by Marie, but by obligation of knowing that it's what I'm supposed to do.
And then I knew that my home teachers were coming over, and I was afraid that I wouldn't like them, because they're not Ryan and Chris.
But alas, FHE went fine.
I even spoke aloud.
And the new HTs seem pretty freaking awesome.
The end.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

I, Jessica Rae Callahan, hereby invite you out to watch me either humiliate myself or amaze the masses as I audition for Humor U. Please come out Wednesday, September 16, from 8-9:30pm in the Maeser Auditorium. Please do me the grand favor of sitting in different sections of the building, and laughing hysterically at all my jokes so that the laughter coming from all directions falsely impresses the judges. That would be much appreciated. THIS IS A FREE EVENT! It makes a great date. Just as long as you laugh at me. And sit in seperate places.