I Feel Like...

It might just be time to cut the cord.

Rainy Days

It rained yesterday. It's the middle of January in Provo and it rained. All day. You'd expect snow, but no, just rain. Walking to school this morning I thought about the last time it really rained.
It was at the end of the summer, on a Sunday. I was supposed to be roving, but instead I layed down on the sidewalk with Rochelle, still in my church clothes, and let the rain fall down on me. I was upset that day. Was it about the summer coming to an end? For some reason I feel that it involved Hayley. But I remember feeling so down, and the rain it was almost cleansing. It was as if the sky was mourning with me for whatever reason. It was so warm out, too...
After laying in it for awhile, Rochelle and I hopped around in it. We went puddle jumping (still in my church clothes) with an EFY kid we had befriended- Michael Scott. I was feeling better. Then we really got wild. I changed into some shorts and Rochelle and I went on campus to puddle jump. It was really coming down, and there were hardly any puddles, so we decided to go swimming in the reflection pool outside of the MOA. It was night and on a Sunday and it would probably be our only chance to ever swim in it. So on this warm and beautiful night Rochelle and I went swimming in a foot of water where ducks bathed and algae grew. And after about ten minutes we were freezing. We had to run back to the Cannon. But by this time all the early arrivals were checking in. So we slipped into the mail room and Boyd handed us some towels from the pool's lost and found. They smelt terrible.
Then we ran back to Taylor, and put on our swimsuits. We'd been outside in the rain for hours, and we just now put on our swimsuits. And why? Hayley joined us on one of the floors in Taylor and we turned on all six showers. We played music, danced, threw soap at each other. The three of us showered in our bathing suits. We ran between the showers. There was one that was slightly clogged, and so I sat in it like a tub.
What started out as a depressing day (for whatever reason) turned into one of my favorite days from the entire summer, and one of my favorite memories ever.

Check One

So tonight my amazing roommate Rebecca blessed me with a gift that no one else could have given me: the gift of learning how to take someone's blood pressure. And she let me wear her stethescope. And she taught me how to find my own pulse. Life skills that will come in handy for the rest of my life. Good times, yo. Good times.

Salmonella

The symptoms of Salmonella are:
Nausea
Vomiting
Abdominal Pain
Diarrhea
Fever
Muscle Pains
Chills

Today, after talking with my boss about how I enjoyed a peanut butter and honey sandwich, I went to class and hung out with Boyd and Hayley. After declaring my minor (Women's Studies) and inquiring about TA positions, I started feeling really hot. And it was cold and rainy out. And so I took off my coat outside... and it was cold out, but I was hot. And then I started to get scared about having a fever... and therefore having Salmonella.

Yet... I still ate my Peanut Butter Cookie Dough ice cream tonight while watching tv.

I Like to Live Life on the Edge

That's why today, even though there was a specific warning not to buy Kroger products such as ice cream containing peanut butter... I did it anyways! And I'm looking forward to my first bite of Peanut Butter Cookie Dough.

That girl is so dangerous...

Almost a Week Ago...

My old best friend turned 21.
He made me a different person. He was the first boy to ever put his hand on my thigh, hold my hand, and talk about marrying me. Okay, so he was the only boy to do any of those things.
The truth is... that I miss him. And I wonder all the time how things would be if I had handled things differently with him.
I once told him that my biggest regret was when I let him go. Or pushed him away, depending on how you look at it.
I hope that he's doing well. I hope that he's happy. I hope for him.

Long Weekend

It was a long weekend. Friday I went to the International Cinema with Marie and Joanna, and we saw Miss Potter. Best part of the movie?
"You have something to confide in me? Delicious!"
Saturday I went to the dollar theater with Boyd and Hayley and we watched Four Christmases. Best part of the movie?
"I would like to increase the frequency in which I pleasure grand-dad..."
Then I went to the library, came home, got locked out of my apartment, watched a lot of Grey's Anatomy... I must have done something else, but it was so unproductive that I don't really remember.
Sunday night Joanna and I went to Linger Longer... we got some tasty food, like baked potatoes and enchiladas. But then I noticed that some boy talking to the bishop pointed at me, and then the bishop pointed at me, and I didn't want him to come over. After the boy stopped talking to him, I got the feeling that he was coming over, but a girl intervened and started talking to him, so Joanna and I snuck out before he could notice that we were gone. Later that night I made homemade Oreo's with Joanna and Rebecca. When Rebecca went to bed Joanna and I had a night of bonding.
Monday was filled with... wannabe productivity. I went to work, did some homework, went to an Old Navy sale...
Good times, eh?

Upon the Moving of a Stamped Envelope...

"Be careful! That's valuable!"

Please, Sir, It's Only... 30 Cents!

"Hayley told me that I was only worth 30 cents."
"30 cents? That's less than a stamp!"
"That means that I'd have to prostitute myself 2 times to buy a stamp."
"Or 3 times for a bean burrito at Taco Bell."
"More like 4 or 5... with tax."

Fashion Crossovers

So recently I've been thinking about how women's style has been influenced by men's. I thought about several succesful crossovers.

The Tank Top: The Pea Coat:

Jeans:

Flannel Shirts:

Board Shorts:

And then I started to think about all the failures that have come as a result of men borrowing from the women's fashion movements.

Spaghetti Straps:

Mankinis:

Manpris:



Murses:

All I can say is: FAIL, FAIL, FAIL, FAIL.

Second Most Awkward Question of all Time

"Jessica, do we need to have a talk?... About your douching?"

"Marie, as in the Baguettes!"

So Sunday President Monson came to BYU to give the CES Fireside talk. It started at six, but because I'm crazy, I decided that we had to wait in line right after church to get good seats. So, at 4:20 Marie and I hopped in the huge line to enter the Marriott for good seats. We ended up on the side that the prophet entered and exited from and were 8 rows from the floor. We saved two seats: one for Boyd and one for Hayley. However, soon after getting these seats, Boyd sent me a text message alerting me to the new found discovery that Hayley would be working that evening until 11 pm. So dilemma: try to find someone else to take the seats or give them away? I was not to be dissuaded, so I called Esther. She was at her brother's. I knew that none of my roommates were available, and although I wanted to call Rochelle, I withheld and sent a text to my old pal, Nate. I told him the situation and offered him the seats. He realized that he could bring one of his two roommates, and I told him to choose wisely.
He comes in and sits down with a guy who is most definitely not his roommate. He introduced him as his neighbor who was over so often that he did everything but sleep there. His very own personal squatter. I introduced Marie to Spencer, and Spencer needed some clearing up as to Marie's name. I said, "Marie, as in the baguettes!" Nate started to laugh, recognizing the quote. He then responded with, "Marie, the baguettes! Hurry up!". Nobody has ever gotten that quote right off the bat. I should know... as I didn't. It was, afterall, Rebecca's find.
Nate then leaned over and mentioned that Spencer would be playing Nerts with us later that night, although neither of them had brought cards. I looked at Nate in surprise, "You're coming over tonight?". "Yes, you invited me, didn't you?".
Then Pres. Monson gave an awesome talk, of which my favorite quote was from Christopher Columbus: "Today we sailed on". It was all about the great expectations that our Heavenly Father has for us. 'Twas lovely.
Afterwards we started to leave the Marriott when Nate recognized someone. He mentioned to the guy that he liked his tie. I looked up and saw a guy wearing a Men's Chorus tie. Nate smiled and said, "That's one of my frat brothers".
Back at the apartment I quickly threw the brownies into the oven. Marie came into the kitchen when we realized that there were no roommates home and said, "I guess this means that I'm not going to go to Melissa's tonight". The sacrifices that she makes for me.
Then we got our Nerts on. After the second round Jeff came! Oh, the joy, to have both of my chemistry buddies under the same roof once more!
After my wondrous win we ate brownies and cherry chocolate chip ice cream. Afterwards Nate and Spencer left, and Jeff stayed for an hour to talk with me and Marie. Once Jeff left, Marie and I played Nerts with Joanna.
All in all, it was the best 4 hours I've had in a long time. It even beat The Orphanage, with its host of crazy characters like Tomas and Benigna.

Most Awkward Question of All Time

"Do you douche?".

Last Night I Held a Boy[d]'s Hand

So last night Marie and I went to see the Diving Bell and the Butterfly at the International Cinema. We met up with Boyd and Hayley, and Hayley again mentioned that Boyd and I should kiss, which we both object to.
So we're sitting in this movie, and I'm between Hayley and Marie. At one point Hayley says that she's getting scared, and I was getting pretty scared myself, so I reached over to hold her hand. However, her legs were apparently crossed, and Boyd must have been resting his hand on her knee, because I reached over and grabbed one very dry hand. Next thing I know this hand is yanked out from mine and Boyd looks petrified! I realized what happened and I was a bit terrified as well. Hayley, on the other hand, laughed, started clapping and exclaimed, "I'm excited! You know what comes next? You two kiss!".

The End.

Also...

I got a letter from Jared today. My first one from him, and my first response from the writing party! I was so excited! His P.S. went something like this: Jesus Christ loves you, the atonement is real, and the church is true.

I love my boys- all growing into men... spiritual men. :D

Exhaustion

I am completely exhausted. I feel like I run around constantly for twelve hours every day, and I never quite get the breather (or the sleep) that I need.
Today we had a crazy mail day. We're talking like, 6-8 carts of mail. Three of them were UPS. So I worked over three hours, Buffy worked who knows how long, and we had three desk attendants helping throughout the day. However, one hurt more than helped when they tagged all the UPS as regular mail and we had to go through and re-record them and figure out how to let the desk attendants know which ones needed to be signed for.
Other than that, I had O-chem recitation today for the first time. At one point my TA asked if anyone hadn't taken 105/106. I was the only one that raised my hand. And so he asked me to talk to him after class because the first test is all 105/106 based. So after class I went up to him and when he found out that I'd taken 105 and just not 106, his response was, "well, then you should be fine... for now". He said that he'd be really honest with us, and if we asked him if we should drop the class and if he thought we should he'd tell us straight up. Exactly the reason that I don't want to ask. I can do this. I can do this.
In Welsh tonight my instructor told me that I had a guaranteed in for the study abroad because I had taken the Welsh classes. And the payment schedule seems do-able, so hopefully...
Well, I'm literally exhausted. As in already falling asleep in classes exhausted. So I'm off to do some homework, and then I'm sleeping. For a long time.

Lapis: L-A-P-I-S

So Friday night I gave Ashley a call and said something to the effect of: "Ashley, I haven't talked to you in forever, and I have to tell you something. Let's just say... I'm going wedding dress shopping tomorrow. Okay, bye, talk to you later!".
So yesterday I went wedding dress shopping. Of course it wasn't for myself! Are you kidding? Who would be crazy enough to marry me? Anyways, I accompanied Rochelle and Blair. Blair is marrying Matty on May 1st, and I'm oh-so-excited! So we went to this place called Eternity Bridal, and I was way out of my element. Firstly, there were a ton of white dresses, and that was about all. Secondly, they all weighed a ton. Thirdly, they were covered in lace, embroidery, toole, and beads.
Blair tried on one dress, and apparently it was too small- as it wouldn't go up her butt. Then she tried on the next dress, came out of the dressing room, and it fit perfectly. It was so simple and Blair. She looked great. And she decided to buy it. The first one that actually fit! AND it was only $100. Great find.
Afterwards in the car, she called Matt to tell him. He was driving and on speaker, so his mom was talking to her, too. Rochelle and I could hear the whole thing. It went something like this:
"We took Natalie to this store in Redlands called David's Bridal and made her try on hundreds of dresses to see which styles she liked. We picked up some brochures to send to you. We indicated in the brochures the ones she liked the best. There was this color, it's called 'lapis' L-A-P-I-S..."
She sounded so much like Matt. I guess the only question there is to ask is, "Mother, may I have some more milk?".
Congrats, Matt and Blair. I love the both of you.

Mistakes

"I was hoping to come to a different conclusion, because a mistake is harder to bear, a mistake begets those chilling words if only. At the time, I refused to talk about it... but [it] was a mistake, and I regret it. We were never the same, were we?"

Nope... you're never the same.

What's a Girl to Do?

So... I know that the summer is still four months away, but I find myself thinking about what the heck I'm going to do. And I feel like I need to decide soon.
So, the options are: TA spring and go to Wales summer OR do the CA job again.
The obvious answer is the first. How often do you get the chance to go to Wales? I've never been out of the country, and I'm not taking two semesters of Welsh for nothing. The application is due in about three weeks. The only down fall is that it costs $2500, and that doesn't include the plane ticket. So it's a really cheap study abroad, but it's still... I don't have thousands of dollars lying around and who knows how much financial aid I'll get or what my parents and I can come up with. And it would definitely be my first choice to TA for chem this spring, but I might not get the job. I'm sure returning TAs get first pick. And who knows how I'll fair in 106, 107, and 351 this semester.
The other option... I loved being a CA. It was the best four months of my life. Free room and board, payment, option to take classes, close friends... I couldn't have asked for more. But if I do it, then I can't do the study abroad. But what if I don't get the job? Yeah, I've done it before, but they'll have more of a pool to choose from this year, and I barely got the job last year. And it wouldn't be the same. Would I be sacrificing too much and then be disappointed? I just don't know. But I'd really like some answers right about now.

This Time it Will Be Different

So it's a new year, and with it comes new goals, or resolutions...
Anyways, I've decided that this time it will be different. How so? I'm not quite sure. But this year I want to be a better me. I want to live more. I want to love more. I want to be more open with myself and with others. I want to be a better person. I want to forgive more easily and have others forgive me. I want to be involved. I want to actually do things. I want to raise my GPA. I want to be more spiritual. I want to rise above. I want to be more friendly. I want to have better interactions with people. And I definitely want to stop being so awkward.

Hello, 2009.

Navy Taxi

Rain spat in my face, thanks a lot mate
And I lost a tenner on the way
Thinking about it, did I spend it last night
When I was drunk and I wanted to get more drunk
Missed the train, thanks a lot mate
I didn't want to be late today, cause I'm always late
And I really hate always being late
And now the other train is delayed... great.
Carrying bags and a navy taxi man said
"Take your time love'
Cause you don't have to rush
'Cause it's your life and it's no one else's, sweetheart
Don't let someone put you in a box."
So I take all that other stuff that I said before
And I'm gonna make it work
'Cause I'm losing my mind and it's driving me up the wall
So I tried to help you carry your shopping
But I wasn't concentrating, I was talking
And I got it caught on the side of this thing and it split
And I'd try to help you walk along but I'd probably end up pushing you over
But don't worry, I'll never let you fall
And I'm stubborn and I shout and I'll cut you out
And I'll make you feel like I never wanted to make you feel
And I'm stubborn and I shout and I'll cut you out
And I'll make you feel like I never wanted to make you feel
Carrying bags and a navy taxi man said
"Take your time love
'Cause you don't have to rush
'Cause it's your life and it's no one else's, sweetheart.
Don't let someone put you in a box."
So I take all that other stuff that I said before
And I'm gonna make it work
Because I'm losing my mind and it's driving me up the wall
And this time, it will be different,
This time, it will be different (x9)