You may remember this post from late April. Once upon a time I had two best friends: Boyd and Hayley. On April 24, 2010 they married each other. I cried a lot. The thing is, I was so happy for them and I had started to think that it would be a long time before they got married. But they did and it was one of the happiest days of my life. Boyd and Hayley are so perfect for each other. And I've been so lucky to call them my friends. I wore these shoes to stand outside the temple while they were sealed.
I also wore these shoes to my first opera: BYU's production of "The Magic Flute". I wore them because I knew how good my calves looked in them. Phenomenal, really. I wore them hoping that Skyler would notice. I know, I can be a skank. But it's the truth. That night Skyler was running really late. By the time he got there we had to walk in something like 20 or 30 minutes into the program. Right before we went in Skyler started to get upset about how long it was taking these men in front of us to have their tickets scanned and to move on. I told him to calm down and that set him off. He raised his voice and I got upset. We sat down and I was mad. He quickly got really into the opera and was in a good mood, but I was trying not to cry. At one point he looked over and asked me if I was okay. I didn't respond. He told me to look at him and I refused. And then I did start to cry, quietly. At intermission we talked and he asked me what was wrong. I told him that I was upset that he had yelled at me for trying to be supportive and reassuring. He said that he hated being told to calm down.
The thing is, it wasn't just about being yelled at. It was about the fact that I had looked forward to going to the opera with him for a week. I left class early to go. I wore heels almost all day. I wore tights and a dress I thought I looked good in. I wore the shoes that I knew made my calves look good. I was trying to impress him and it became increasingly obvious that no such thing would be happening. I had feelings for a boy that didn't have them back. I had feelings for a boy that had a girlfriend. And it was really hard for me to deal with.
On our way out we said our goodbyes and he yelled to me that he loved me. When I didn't respond he waited for me to say it back. I walked to the BNSN to go through the building, but it was locked. And I started to cry, to really cry. Because I was disappointed and tired. And sick of being the best friend. Eventually I threw the shoes off and walked home barefoot.
That's what these shoes are. One of the happiest moments of my life and one of the most disappointing.
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