Pathetic, I Know.

I spent some time yesterday and today playing the Sims 2. I almost never play, because I know how easily I can get sucked into the game and waste tons and tons of time on it.

Yesterday while I was playing my character (who resembles me, and by some strange coincidence shares my name) fell in love with this guy. Eager for him to propose to her I moved him into the same house (it was chaste, don't even trip) which is when I found out that he was already married to someone else. He eventually called things off with his wife (naughty on my part, I know) and got engaged to my mini me. My mini me was thrilled. But knowing that what she wanted in life (a family) and what he wanted (fame and fortune) I knew that he would not make her happy. I literally fretted about this as my dad drove me to his house from the airport- a four hour trip.

This morning I woke up and realized that what she wanted was to not marry this guy at all. But who could she end up with? I broke things off with her fiance and created a new man for her. He, like her, was a family person. He too was in the medical career track. That is where they met. He brought her home from work one day to hang out, and they very, very quickly fell in love. And most importantly, he wanted to marry her. They eventually got married, knocked out twins (another baby on the way!) and progressed through their careers (he advanced much faster than she did... glass ceiling, perhaps?). And my mini me is happy.

Jacob used to tell me that the only reason I liked to play the Sims was because it allowed me to play God. That's not really true. It allowed me to play me and get what I wanted because I had control. I've never done anything on purpose to hurt my Sims. What I did today, calling off the engagement of my mini me, was hurtful. She cried about it a lot. The guy still comes and knocks over the trash can every day. But I did it because it was best for her. Because I knew that in the long run what she wanted wasn't guy #1, but guy #2, the smart and caring young man that wanted her just as much.

It's hard for me in my current position to figure out why certain things happen the way they do. If I had my way I'd be married by now, and probably pregnant. But Heavenly Father sees my life where it is now, where it has been, and where it is going. He allows me to make decisions and then gets me to where He wants me to be. He sees the options in my future that I cannot see. He sees the probable unhappiness in decisions I am making now and tries to help me dodge the long term unhappiness.

I know that it is pathetic for me to be comparing my relationship with my Sims to that of my Heavenly Father's relationship with me. But these last two days really helped me understand more than I have in the past. He intervenes in my life because He cares about me and wants be to be happy, even if I do not see the happiness in a current situation. And even though I might be hurting now, the joy that is to come is so much more worth it. And more importantly, he has been planning out and designing my future with thoughtfulness and care for a very, very long time.