I wore these shoes when I was one of Camille's bridesmaids at her wedding this past May. I don't know if you remember this, but I was pretty apprehensive of things as they came my way. You hear horror stories about what bridesmaids have to wear. I was tormented by visions of denim dresses and nasty looking bright yellow or gold flats. You can read about that here. Luckily everything looked just fine, and Camille's taste was not called into question after all. Did I mention that we held pinwheels? I was also pretty apprehensive about that, until I saw them, and they were awesome looking!
I think something that's important to know about me is that I get really nervous about meeting people, which I realize is stupid because I usually end up loving them to death. But I especially hate meeting my friends' significant others. When Camille started dating George, or "Doctor" as she referred to him then, I had zero interest in meeting him. I avoided it. In fact, I didn't meet George until Christmas time, when he and Camille got engaged. He had already seen me, though, as he had come to my HumorU auditions. He was nice, and I liked him just fine. But I was still really nervous about him. I think I have issues with feeling like people aren't going to like me. But here we are, almost a year from when I met George, and I like to think that we're pretty good friends. I'm really grateful that George and I ended up in physics together because I've really been able to get to know him and now I feel like I'm not only Camille's friend, but a family friend, and I like that.
I felt really special being able to be a part of their wedding. I never thought that I would ever be a bridesmaid. But every part of it was great. Rereading over the blog entry I wrote about it I realized that it kind of sounded like I was complaining about the sleep deprivation. I really enjoyed it! It was great to be there and to experience everything. All the last minute details and setting up, the late night runs to the grocery store, walking around the temple waiting for them to come out, sleeping any chance we got, and seeing everything come together in the end. What sucked was trying to make my mom happy when I was there specifically for the wedding. But I felt like I was important. I loved being able to help Camille as she put together her own bouquet. It was incredibly fun and awkward asking the sales clerk from Ralph's that we all knew in high school about intimate matters. I really felt like it brought us all together.
And what's important about that is that for awhile I treated Camille very badly. She was about to graduate from high school and I had been waiting around Oxnard for almost a year, miserable at my job. I was so frustrated and on edge because of my family situation, and about my mom dating Eric, and stressed out from a job I hated, and depressed that I wasn't in school like I had planned. I used to take all of those feelings out on Jacob, until I would get in trouble. So somehow all those feelings I was having got directed at Camille. I realized it, but I didn't know what to do about it. One night Marie stayed over at my house and we talked about it and decided that I needed to try harder. Camille, in her right mind, was weary. Eventually we must have talked about it or something because she forgave me and things got better. We ended up spending the entire summer together with Aaron and becoming really good friends. But who would have thought that after all that we would still be friends?
Camille and George were sealed in the LA temple on May 1, 2010. The funny thing is that when I was in high school I picked that as the day that I would get married. I know, I know, it's pathetic. But in high school I would go to theknot.com and plan my wedding. I even planned the day. I figured I'd be 21, and May was a beautiful month, and it would be the first Saturday in the month of May when I was 21. That day was 6 months ago. I am now turning 22. For some reason I always thought that I'd be engaged when I was 21. Well, I guess I still have about three weeks to do so, right? It reminds me that I am not on my own schedule here. As much as I'd love to be engaged or married right now, for whatever reason the Lord wants otherwise. And I know that I will be happiest by following His plan for me. But remaining honest, it is really hard. It's really hard to watch my friends pair off and get married. It's hard to watch freshmen girls get engaged. It's hard to wonder where I'm failing or what's wrong with me. But such is life.
So that's what's tied to these shoes. A good friend's wedding and the nonexistence of my own.
See more pictures of the wedding here!
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