My first date was as a freshman: I went to prom with my older brother's best friend James, in exchange for Jason being allowed to go with my best friend Sam. There was no asking. It was an agreement. The first date I was ever asked on was by Aaron Stanton. It was to Mormon Prom my senior year of high school. Earlier that day my mom had her taxes done by Aaron's dad, which is why when he called I swore (and still kind of think) that she set the whole thing up. He asked me if I was going to Mormon Prom, and I replied with "I don't know," with weariness in my voice. The only way you could go to Mormon Prom was with a date, and I doubted that I would be asked. Then he asked me if I had a date, and when I replied that I didn't, he asked me to go with him. I was so relieved! See, if you wanted to go to Mormon Prom and didn't have a date you got put on "the list." This was a list of girls who wanted to go but were dateless, and the leaders in young men/young women would find boys to ask them to go. It was terribly terrifying. We didn't want to be on that list. And I was grateful that Aaron had asked me, because we got along just fine, and I had even liked him years before.
So my mom made my dress, inspired after what I imagined would be worn in The Great Gatsby. And it was last minute made and for someone with a much longer torso. So my dress was all scrunched up in the back area. And it was kind of low in the back area as well, so I felt immodest. And I wanted my mom to do my hair. Her idea of doing my hair was brushing it when it was dry, putting it in a bun and sticking some butterfly clips in it. This was not a good look for me.
The time came for Aaron to pick me up. However, Jacob wanted to go to Walmart for something so he and my mom left. I was alone in the house. There was a knock on the door and I arrived to see Aaron, in a pink tux, with his dad, who was wearing a beret. I shut the door behind me and Brother Stanton asked if my mom wanted to take pictures. I explained that she wasn't there. You could see the pity on Brother Stanton's face as he explained to me that he would take pictures for her, and as he adjusted the corsage on my dress.
Brother Stanton was to be our chauffeur that night, and as soon as we were in the car proceeded to speak only in French, which I didn't understand. He also refused to let me open my own door the entire night. At one point, Aaron started to tell me about these girls that he couldn't wait for them to turn 16 so he could ask him on a date. That was awkward. It was also kind of awkward that he was a foot taller than me with a long stride, whereas I was trying to walk as fast as possible in heels. It was also awkward that all the Camarillo kids were saying hi to him and ignoring me. I wanted my Oxnard friends, but they had all decided to eat dinner together and take pictures beforehand at the church building, whereas Aaron and I went straight to the Reagan Library to eat and take pictures there. When we finished eating the music had started and my friends still weren't there. So I had to dance (which I hate) because I felt obligated to do so. The whole night was a fiasco. I wanted to dance with Marie, Tati and Camille. He wanted to dance just the two of us.
It could have been worse. Aaron and Ashley were dating at the time but her parents wouldn't let her go. So Aaron decided that he would take both Marie and Tati so that they could avoid The List and he wouldn't really be on a date. However, word got out about this plan and the leaders weren't happy. They thus produced Mark Cosper, the scuzziest young man in the stake. The verdict was that one of the girls would have to go with Mark. This was worst than The List. Tati, taking one for the team offered herself up as a sacrifice. Marie went with Aaron. However, this was to Mark's disliking, as he was cozying up with Marie every chance he got. The low point was when he went up to her and said, "You have a really big butt." What do you even say to that? I just asked Marie what she said and she thinks the only thing she would have said is, "You're not supposed to say stuff like that."
After prom there was an after party at a Camarillo kid's house. However, Aaron wasn't really feeling it so I tried to arrange to go with Tati afterward. It didn't really work out. Especially when Brother Stanton decided to take us to In-N-Out for a milkshake. Later I noticed that I had started my period and it was all over the back of my dress. Much to my horror, I believe it was also on their back seat. I try not to think about it as it mortifies me. Literally mortifies me.
So what do these shoes represent? My first real date. An absent mother. An unexpected visitor. Slow dancing to a violinist playing songs from Phantom of the Opera. Being extremely nervous and feeling obligated to be attentive. Having friends.
I feel like I often feel this obligation to be attentive. I hate it. I really want to find someone who makes me feel like I can just be me and do whatever I want. I don't want to feel a need to pay attention to them or to make sure that they're having fun, because usually when that happens I don't have fun. I just want it to be comfortable. Maybe that's when you know.
No comments:
Post a Comment