This post goes along with my very first shoe post. These shoes were the shoes that I wore the first day that I was ever in Provo. I remember wearing them along with my pea coat thinking that because there was snow on the ground it should be freezing. I remember walking in the parking lot of Walmart with my mom and aunt to collect some last minute things that we decided weren't worth flying with, like hangers. And I specifically remember feeling like a big kid.
These shoes look like kids shoes, but they're adult size. So there I was walking around wearing a pair of children's shoes. And it felt so out of place. I was starting college. I was going to be out on my own. And I guess they kind of represented how I felt. Like I was a child in an adult's body.
My mom and aunt helped me set up my room for a bit and then left. I pretended to be completely okay with the situation, busily and excitedly unpacking and putting everything in its place. And then they left and I freaked out and started crying on my bed and floor.
Sometimes I feel like the same girl that wore those shoes. Scared and pretending to be an independent adult when really I have no idea what the next step is or where to go from here. But it's getting better, too. I'm learning to take things as they come and to not worry so much. I still worry, though. I'm terrified that I won't get into med school and then what will I do? And I'm scared that I'll leave BYU single and then where the heck will I find a husband? But for the most part I concentrate on my dinner plans for the evening and the homework due the next day.
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