Being completely honest and knowing that this is a blog of trust, when I was 12 and Jake was 11 he was molested by a close family friend. I didn't know how to react. I felt ashamed. I felt like I was guilty somehow. I felt like it should have been me instead. The worst part is that I didn't treat Jacob the way he should have been treated after that. I drew away from him. I became frustrated easily with him. I was scared. I didn't touch him for years. I regret that so much. I should have been a better big sister. I should have been there for him when he needed me.
Now Jake's a massage therapist. He's gay. It was already suspected but after he was molested it was pretty much a given. I love him so much. He knows that the church is true. He's felt the spirit. He's even born his testimony in sacrament meeting. I've never done that before. Yet he feels like he doesn't belong and that it's too hard to keep the commandments. So he doesn't. But I still love him.
Jake has taught me about patience. In high school I would get so agitated and so frustrated at the end of the day, and he would just ask me if I wanted to play a game with him and I would yell at him. It's better now. We've established my need to be more loving and patient and to not take my day out on him. He's taught me about love. He has a real love for people. He's taught me to believe in change, repentance and conversion. No one has a stronger conversion than Jacob. He has taught me how to change your life. He's been a real inspiration for me. 
I am who I am today in part because of Jacob. I try not to take out my moods on the people closest to me. I've learned to "blog it out". I understand homosexuals and their relationship with the gospel. I triumph when the church is "gay friendly" to the media. I speak Welsh because Jacob wanted to go to Wales so badly. I geocache because of his sense of adventure. I play videogames because that's how he bonds. He encourages me to date and to be adventurous. He thinks that I am hilarious. He understands my fear of ticks and is the only person who will check me for them. I feel protective of Jacob. I want to beat up all of his old boyfriends. I want him to be the best person that he can be. I love him so much.
Jake has taught me about patience. In high school I would get so agitated and so frustrated at the end of the day, and he would just ask me if I wanted to play a game with him and I would yell at him. It's better now. We've established my need to be more loving and patient and to not take my day out on him. He's taught me about love. He has a real love for people. He's taught me to believe in change, repentance and conversion. No one has a stronger conversion than Jacob. He has taught me how to change your life. He's been a real inspiration for me. I am who I am today in part because of Jacob. I try not to take out my moods on the people closest to me. I've learned to "blog it out". I understand homosexuals and their relationship with the gospel. I triumph when the church is "gay friendly" to the media. I speak Welsh because Jacob wanted to go to Wales so badly. I geocache because of his sense of adventure. I play videogames because that's how he bonds. He encourages me to date and to be adventurous. He thinks that I am hilarious. He understands my fear of ticks and is the only person who will check me for them. I feel protective of Jacob. I want to beat up all of his old boyfriends. I want him to be the best person that he can be. I love him so much.
3 comments:
i love this. thanks for sharing--it inspires me.
blog on :)
just read your 200th post girl, you rock. miss you!
I love Jake too!!! =)
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