Ruts Give Me Perspective

I'm having a rough time in the boy department. I feel like dating everyone and anyone after finally rediscovering my interest in boys. But it's rough to not get a response, and it's rough to wonder about the future of my single hood.

This week I asked a certain young man if he wanted to go to the pumpkin patch with me, Boyd and Hayley. He never responded. And I was upset and confused, and really, I still am.

And sometimes I look at my great friendship with Skyler and wonder why I'm not dating him or why we're not in love. And the answer is easy: because we just aren't.

And it's times like these when I am led to think about who I am. Sometimes the dark thoughts come and I question my worth and wonder the same things that Jillayne once did, "who would want to date me? Who would want to marry me?". Am I really an awesome person, or do I just think highly of myself? Some of the qualities I often list that I like about myself include being smart, funny, cultured, a good baker, and a good time kind of person. But do I just make these things up in my head? No, I don't. And here's how I know:

Because I have friends. Not just one or two: I have a great amount of really, really good friends. If I weren't all of these things, Skyler wouldn't let me call and cry to him. Rochelle wouldn't stop by just to say hi while she was visiting Harriet. Ariel wouldn't search for me on campus. MegN wouldn't let me into her apartment when I come over unannounced. Marie wouldn't struggle to stay awake for an extra hour every night to hear me think aloud. Sam wouldn't still be emailing me after years of living away from each other and living such different lives. Boyd and Hayley wouldn't put up with me after getting married and moving to Orem. MegP would have dropped me like it's hot long ago. David wouldn't continually ask me to go get ice cream with him after several rejections in a row. My planner would not be nearly so booked if I didn't have so many good friends.

So today, after having a hard stuck-in-the-rut kind of date life, I thought about the people around me, and how lucky I am for them, for their love, and for their good examples to me. My self esteem wouldn't stay intact if it wasn't for them. And I spent a good chunk of time during the Sacrament today expressing my thanks individually for the many people around me who make up for both the failed dating life and the failed family life.

Thank you, for reminding me that I am a worthwhile individual.