John-isms Part II

On Fetal Alcohol Syndrome: "On my mission in Taiwan it's (alcohol) usually the way conception happens because everyone gets drunk on the wedding night to make both parties more willing."

On the professor being two seconds late to class: "Well, he's late. A's for everyone for the rest of the semester."

A classmate on John: "Maybe we'll get lucky and John won't show up today."

On using fruit flies for scientific testing: "Is that morally right? To smash fruit flies? I don't think it is. How many flies do we kill to save how many humans?"

We had a guest teacher for a week while our professor was in Belgium. John proceeded to lay on the floor in the back and sleep through each of his classes.

On some people having more or less than 2 nipples: "We used to have six, but then we evolved because we had fewer children."
Guy behind John: "I don't believe that."
John: "Well, it doesn't matter if you believe or not because it's true."

On not being in class the previous Friday: "No one was here so I left."
Dr. Seegmiller: "I was here on Friday. Were you here on Friday (pointing at several of the students)?"
John: "Well no one was here when I got here."
Dr. Seegmiller: "What time did you get here?"
John: "I don't know. 1:50."
Dr. Seegmiller: "Class starts at 2. Did you know that it's an unofficial rule that you give the professor 10 minutes after class has started before you leave?"
John: "Well, no one was here..."
Dr. Seegmiller: "We were here. Don't call us liars."

On albinism: "Is albinism acquired or inherited? There were a lot of albinos on my mission in Taiwan and I wanted to know if one family was breeding them."

On Watson and Crick:
Dr. Seegmiller: "When Watson and Crick discovered..."
John: "They stole it."

On dental hygiene: "We only like pretty teeth in America, though."

In response to Dr. Seegmiller asking why the man in John was born blind: "So Jesus could perform a miracle."