The Journey: The Longest Blog Post Ever

Dearest Skyler,

There is no one on this earth that makes me as incandescently happy or as incredibly depressed as you do. Once I told my mother that as a means to tell her how much she meant to me, but she didn't get that it was a compliment. It is.

Skyler, you're the first person I want to call when I walk out of the testing center. You're the person that I most like sitting on the couch next to me. You're the person I like to make smile. You're usually the first person I think about when I wake up. You're the one that I turn to when I'm upset (as long as you're not the reason why I'm upset).

Remember the first time we met? Blanca had told me that you and I wouldn't get along because you wouldn't understand my jokes. You were training at the desk. I thought that you were an innocent little freshman boy. You helped me, Libby and Denim Dan cut out laminated fliers for the summer. You were quiet, serious and focused. Little did I know that in a few weeks you would let out that reverberating laugh and shock us all. Little did I know that your white blond hair would come to be a staple in my life.

Remember that night in May when you asked me to come talk to you? I was so nervous. I was afraid that I had done something to offend you. Little did I know that that night was going to involve you telling me something that would make me so incredibly confused and nervous and bring us as close as we are now.

Remember that time at Winger's when you sang to me? You've since told me that you just wanted me to pay attention to you. You were endearing. You still are.

Do you remember that time when you asked me to Invitational? It reminded me of when this boy in high school asked me to go to homecoming with him, and I wasn't sure that he was serious. But I was so excited. And when I overheard you in Jay's office I became so elated. You sounded excited. And the night of Invitational when I came down the stairs and saw you at the bottom, I became like that girl in high school again.

Remember when you hosted Thanksgiving dinner in the middle of the summer? Remember how you got upset when someone had moved my name card so that I wouldn't be sitting on your left hand? It made me feel special. Remember how we were the mom and dad of the dysfunctional family? Remember how we laid down under the Christmas tree afterward moaning about how full we were and everyone thought that we had kissed? We didn't. Kiss, that is.

We often ask each other "do you remember that night in the meadow?" I remember that night all the time. Remember that time when we were going to go to the meadow to watch the meteor shower but I had sung to you "L-O-V-E" and you thought that I was in love with you and were terrified that I was going to try to kiss you that night? Remember how it was Ariel who told me so that I could set you right in that regard? Remember how I clutched your arm as tightly as I could because we heard sounds next to us and had no idea what it was and I was scared that we were going to get maimed? Remember how I asked you in private if you would go with me to watch the meteor shower? I didn't want it to be a big thing. I didn't want everyone there. I wanted it to be me and you. I still don't know why. At the time it just felt right. If I were going to be alone with anyone on a chilly August night in a mountain meadow watching meteors go by, it was going to be you. And there was no specific reason for this. It was one of the best nights of my life.

Remember that time we went to see Inception together and I was late to work because of it? Remember that time we went and played at the DI and at Walmart looking for a bookcase and I was late to work because of it? It was the night of Education Week early arrivals, and MegP was at the desk. I thought that she was going to kick me in the ovaries for my tardiness. Remember how you drove me to my room to change and then sped me over to the CANC? Willard's a fighter.

Remember how you helped me set up my bookcase in my apartment? And how a few days later we set your bookcase up in your Wyview room and it was crooked and you were sorely disappointed? Remember how I threw you up against the wall like I was going to kiss you? Because I do. You got this scared look on your face and I laughed and asked if you thought that I was going to kiss you. You said no, but that you had thought that you were going to kiss me. I was shocked, even though I know that you were joking.

Remember that week before fall semester started when everyone else had gone home and we were the only ones of our friends that were left in Provo? Remember how I called you crying one night because one of my boxes had a spider infestation and I couldn't take it anymore? Remember how you rushed over and gently took every item out of the box? Remember how you went home to Willard for a few days and you came back with fresh produce for me? Remember how you made me corn one night and it was the best corn that I had ever tasted?

Remember how a week into the semester we sat on a blanket in front of my apartment on a Sunday afternoon and I told you that I had liked you for a week? You didn't really know what to say, and I don't blame you. I wouldn't know what to say either if a crazy girl came straight out and told me that she had liked me for an entire week.

Remember how I convinced you to take Cultural History of Medicinal Plants with me? Remember how mad Ben was that they had to switch the exec council meeting to Friday mornings? Remember how we went on an echinacea hunt together? Remember what a mistake that class was? The only good thing about it was knowing that I would be seeing you three times a week for an entire semester.

Remember that time that I was worried about you for whatever reason and asked Marie to drive me over to Wyview so that I could find you? You were in your pajamas, without your contacts, and had your retainer in. That's the only time I've ever seen you like that. Remember how we had a chat in your car that night? About how sometimes I get crazy and hormonal and possessive and jealous when it comes to you? You were really understanding and I appreciated it a lot. I loved that I felt that I could tell you whatever was on my mind.

Remember the night when we went to Panda Express AND Earth Fruits together? That night we sat on the couch and I told you something that I have never spoken aloud before or since then. You were kind and loving and didn't make me feel awkward about it. It helped knowing that another person in this world knew what had happened, even if you no longer remember.

Remember that time that we spent the day in Salt Lake together? We went on an epic grave hunt. We watched the Joseph Smith movie. I'd never seen it before. You had seen it tons of times. You asked me when we walked in to grab you some tissues. You knew what was coming. Remember how you took me to Willard? You introduced me to your mom, and she told me that she had seen me from pictures of the two of us. Remember how you told her how nervous I was? Remember how she hugged me and told me that I was always welcome? It was a really long hug. Remember how you took me down to your old room and there was a toilet in it? And how we sat there and went through your childhood memories? Remember how easy everything became when I met Michael? Remember showing me your dad's quails and your mom's garden? We ate hamburgers outside with pasta salad. Your mom was excited about the medicinal plant class. Remember how my shoe broke that night?

Remember when we went to see The Magic Flute? You were a half hour late. You had gone to Salt Lake just for the heck of it and the bus was late getting back. You yelled at me as we walked in and it made me cry. I had looked forward to that night for weeks. I had practiced that aria for weeks. And knowing full well that you were the one that had hurt me, I also knew that you were the only one that was going to make me feel better again afterward. You did, during intermission. And then on our way out I realized that we were just friends, and I cried alone on my walk home.

Remember at the autumn party when you said that you felt like my man and I asked you what was wrong with that? You replied with nothing. Remember how I went with you into the dark to fetch wood? Remember how I found the strangest pieces possible?

Remember that time that I pulled you aside after plant class? Remember how I told you that I found myself having feelings for you that I shouldn't have because you had a Tamara? Your face. It lit up for a brief second and I had hope that you felt the same things. You didn't. Instead you agreed on not telling me that you loved me anymore. I regret asking you to do that.

Remember how on Halloween we had dinner at my place? I had just gotten off the phone with my mom. She asked me when we were getting engaged. It was one of the more hurtful things she had done to me and she wouldn't even understand why. Remember how we went to my special place and we walked into the orchard late at night? I was so scared but you egged me on telling me that I was brave. Remember how afterward I asked you not to take me home yet and you took me to the Provo temple? We got in a fight. I cared more for you than you did for me. You told me that even when Tamara left for her mission nothing would ever happen between us. I refused to say goodbye to you and I ran out of the car and slammed the door when you dropped me off. You broke my heart that night and I cried myself to sleep for days. Remember how the next day I went looking for you because I was worried when you didn't show up for class? Remember how you called and assured me that we were still friends even though we had that huge fight? I cried out of relief.

Remember at my birthday party when you asked me if you could be my man on the side for the night? Remember how I told you that you were always my sancho? Remember how you said that you wanted to be especially that night and how I asked if what you meant was "will you pay special attention to me at your birthday party?" and you said yes? I was elated.

Remember how I went to Florida for Thanksgiving and you called to tell me that you had kissed Tamara for the first time? You called me on your way home from her house. I was the first person you called. While I knew that it meant I was probably your best friend, I cried myself to sleep that night and thought about it for days because part of me still hoped that you would realize that you wanted to be with me instead. Remember how we talked on the phone when I got back from the cruise? I was afraid that I was going to have missed you a whole lot more than you had missed me and I was insecure about it. But when I heard your voice I knew that you had missed me, too. It was such a comfort to know that you had missed me. Remember how you came over the night that I got back in to Provo? I was so tired but you stayed a long time. I had been looking forward to you coming over for the entire trip back from Florida. I gave you a present from Mexico: a figurine of a cat with its bum in the air. We named him Mr. Catnip, because of our inside joke about catnip. I got you that cat because it reminded me of you and how we always meowed at each other like cats in heat. You laughed when you opened it and I knew that understood.

Remember that time we went to Macey's for a few things and ended up having the best grocery shopping trip ever? I wore paper antlers and we played Reindeer Roundup and ran around the store to win free chocolate. I had such a good time.

Remember that time that we went to the Messiah sing along? We sat in the soprano section so that I could sing the melody. An old woman sat next to us and asked what parts we were going to be singing. You said bass, and the old woman said that she loved hearing a bass sing. We said that I would be singing the melody. "There is no melody," she told us. I quickly figured that out as I realized there was no way that I could hit most of those notes. I might have sung about 10% of the song. I was nervous and self conscious. But you kept telling me how good I was doing and how nice I sounded when I did sing. You are the biggest music snob I know. And that's how I knew that I had a special, dear little place in your heart, because we both knew that I was not doing a good job.

Dearest Skyler, the truth is that I have only known you for about eight months. But you've become a staple in my life. You've become my best friend. I love knowing that I'm the person you can talk to. I love that you're the person that I can talk to. I love when you get all crazy when it's just the two of us in my apartment. I love when you meow at me or run your head into me. I love when you ask if we can act like cats. I love when I realize that you need special attention from me. I love when you drop by the desk to say hello to me. I love when you let me scratch your soft white hair. Skyler, you've come to mean a lot to me. I don't know what I'd be doing right now if it weren't for you. You are a bright light in my life and I've really appreciated it. Thanks for making me feel like a good person. Thanks for being understanding when I get hormonal. Thanks for making me feel special. Thanks for letting me into your life. Thanks for calling me Chicanwa. Thanks for taking me nice and early on Saturday mornings to pick up my Bountiful Baskets. Thanks for going over the top when I played the piano for you. Thanks for being just what I needed right now. Thanks for being my baby love, my Babbakosha, my friend. Thanks for putting up with the longest and most awkward blog post ever. Thanks for being your very special self.