Johnisms Part III

On osteoporosis: Makes you wonder what God's bone system looks like.

On experimental embryology: It's Frankenstein.

On Fetal Alcohol Syndrome: Prohibition. It's our fault. Utah was the deciding vote.

John: Unless you put animal tissue in humans then it gets science fiction-y. There are rumors they do it in China. And Stalin did it.
Seegmiller: Don't talk about that or I'll turn you in.

On an embryological deformity: What would you have to do to make your kid turn out that way?

Student presenter reads a quote and says it was from the movie Gattaca. John: I just watched that.

On Down Syndrome counseling: Scan the sperm before fertilization, that's what I'd do.

On how to remember afferent neurons: Just remember afferent- you have to be close to have an affair.

On the difference between the central nervous system (CNS) and the peripheral nervous syndrome (PNS): Penis is bigger.

On animal testing: Is there any compensation for the animal being tested? What does he get out of it?
Student presenter: I'm not sure what you mean by "compensation".
John: Well they die.

John: My sister has extremely undersized kidneys the size of peanuts that got her through life until she was 20.
Seegmiller: That's incredibly small, I don't believe it.

Two reasons to support embryonic stem cell research:
1. The cells are going to die anyway so it's actually economically beneficial.
2. We want to become like God anyways so we might as well mimic Him now.

Listening in on a girl's conversation about wanting to break up with her boyfriend: You're like every girl- you're ashamed of men.
This turned into a very unpleasant conversation that went something along these lines:
John: Why don't you like him?
Girl: Because he embarrasses me!
John: Is it the way he dresses?
Girl: No!
John: Then how?
Girl: Just the things he says around other people.
John: Like what?
Girl: Like the other day my roommate was wearing a shirt and he told her she looked pregnant in it!
John: That's not embarrassing, it's funny.
Girl: It was rude.
John: Well to him it was funny.
Girl: Well it embarrassed me.
John: Only you can make yourself feel embarrassed. He can't do anything about it. You're the only one who chooses how you feel. You're just like every woman embarrassed by a man. You're just projecting your negative feelings on him. And breaking up with him doesn't change anything and the next guy that comes along you're going to be embarrassed by him, too.
Girl: This seems like a very close subject for you, John.
John: It is. It happens to me all the time. Every relationship I have had I find myself apologizing when I have nothing to apologize for. Nothing I do is right. And the girls never apologize to me. Never. Not once. And statistically speaking by now someone should have apologized to me in my lifetime but they haven't. If someone apologized to me I would faint. And girls always expect me to change but it's them that should be changing. And they never repent afterward, either. They've never once asked me for forgiveness. They're the ones doing something wrong.
Girl: There's someone very special out there for you, John.
John: You shouldn't break up with your boyfriend.
Girl's Friend: There are millions of guys out there, John! If she's not a good match for him then she'll find someone else that doesn't embarrass her!
John then starts muttering to the guy next to him about women and dating. The guy doesn't really care much for what John has to say. The girls and I start to laugh. I see one of them has typed on her laptop "sounds like a personal problem to me." Indeed, you'd think he'd recognize that the common denominator in his relationships was him.

On Halloween John had to present. He was dressed up. As a zombie. Complete with a white face, blood running down his face and torn up clothes. I wanted to cry he was so creepy looking. His topic was on real life chimeras. A chimera is when you take cells from one organism and insert them into the embryo of another organism and the embryo develops as a mixture of the two species. Think hippogriffs or centaurs. John got this crazy look in his eye while talking about it. And he admitted that he is not actually a scientist, but takes science classes to help with his profession. He's a science fiction writer. He presented the whole time with that crazy look in his eye and the fake blood on his face.