This One Boy.

I've been asked a lot lately about what's going on with me and Logan.
Common questions include:
"Do you like him?"
"Does he like you?"
"Are you guys dating?"
"Are you going to date?"
"Do you want to date?"
"Have you guys kissed yet?"
"Do you want to kiss him?"
And the answer is the same: I don't know.
And this answer seems insufficient for most. How could I not know any of the above? How could I not know if I like him or if I want to date him? Here we go.

I wrote Logan for 18 months. But I didn't get to know Logan. I got to know Elder Stromberg. He got to know Jessica. I told him everything that was going on in my life. I told him stories. I told him about my feelings on myself going on a mission. I told him when my younger brother decided to start reading the Book of Mormon and how he changed his life around. And he told me mission stories. He did the right thing. He never told me about his life back home, only about his mission. Is he interested in me? I don't know. But I feel like he has something to go by already. Whereas I... don't.

What I have is a few times that we've hung out, where I've felt mostly awkward because I don't know him and because I don't know what to talk about. I sit with a stranger who knows all about me. And he's so nice. He is thoughtful and smart and dorky. But I don't know him. And I'm trying but it's hard, because I feel like we should know each other, like I should be able to recall all these things about him and have inside jokes and feel comfortable sitting in silence with him. I suppose what I feel like we should be is old friends. And we're not. And it's hard and confusing.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm interested to see where it goes. I'm interested in getting to know him better and in being good friends. But I just don't know how possible it is when I feel this awkward about it all. I just don't know.