Sunday Struggles

Sometimes I struggle. Today is one of those days.

Yesterday I went on a date with Skyler. It was a day long thing. I fully intend to post all about it when I am in a better mood, because it was awesome. Skyler is a good man.

But when I came home I was so tired. I tried to do my genetics homework and realized that I just needed to sleep. So at 1am I crawled into bed. And then my alarm went off at 7:30am for church. I got up knowing that it was what I was supposed to do. I showered and put a dress on. I noticed that for the 4th week in a row my roommate was still asleep with her door open and her alarms (she has two or three) going off for at least an hour. "Should we wake her?", Marie signaled. "No," I said, "she needs to learn that we are not her mother. If she wants to sleep instead of going to church, she can make that adult decisions." And we left. And during Sacrament I wanted nothing more than to sleep. I started getting testy. By the end of Sunday School the teacher asked us to read 20 verses to ourselves. I freaked out and muttered very loudly and bitterly that I "didn't want to do it". By the end of Relief Society I was exasperated. I didn't want to be there. I sat in the back row and when they asked us to move up someone asked if I was (Harriet, I think) and I said "I'm not effing moving." And then I sat there with the most evil and pissed off demeanor ever seen in an LDS meetinghouse.

See, I know that church is what I am supposed to be doing. I know that I should get out of bed to go to my ward that starts at 8:30 in the morning. And I do. But there are somedays, like today, when I've craved sleep for two weeks without any. And I have gone to all my church meetings. And I have prayed and read my scriptures. And I wonder where my rest is. I need to go to class, and I do, but then I sleep during all of them.

Today I planned myself a lovely little nap. It was to take place after church at 11:30am and last until 12:15pm when I was to leave for work. But then I got a text at 11 asking me to come in to work early so the other desk girl could be on time to her ward. And I got accosted by different people about going to an Enrichment Committee meeting today. I hate my calling. I hate committees. I'd rather not have a calling. But I'm always on a committee. So when I am told at 10am that I have an Enrichment meeting to go to at 6pm, I get upset. Because that was when I was going to nap/do homework. And then when I'm craving more sleep (because that is what Sundays are for) I get a text from a friend who wants to do laundry that night at my apartment. And all I want to say to all these people is to back the eff off. Because it's rude to assume the day of that I can fit you into my busy schedule. When my schedule isn't even busy. I JUST WANT TO SLEEP. And on any normal day, I would be happy to come in a little early to work, or to go to a stupid meeting, or to let you do laundry. Because I am generally a nice person. Because I know that the church is true and that it is important to fulfill my calling. Because you're a good friend and I would love for you to do your laundry at my place because I want to spend time with you.

But there are days like today... when the littlest thing gets me upset. Because my body has been begging me and the Lord to let it sleep. And on the day of rest, the Lord's day of rest, my body is not allowed to do the one thing it so desperately wants to do.