http://amenalready.tumblr.com/post/49160030047/message-to-the-men-folk
Message to the men-folk
I went to the post office yesterday.
They were holding my package from Amazon hostage, and I had gone to
provide the ransom and retrieve it. I was fully prepared for an Argo-type ordeal- they were not letting this thing go easily.
I was expecting to have to fight for this parcel,
which was really becoming more trouble than it was worth, but it’s the
principle of the thing. I was not expecting to be sexually harassed.
This is not the first time I have been sexually
harassed- not the first time I’ve been harassed in a post office, and
not the first time I’ve been harassed this month. It happens all the
time. I live in New York City, so it may just be more common/unavoidable
here, yet no matter how many times it happens, it shakes me. It makes
me angry, and it makes me scared.
I hate it. I hate that I cannot expect to be safe
in the post office, or in the park, or while waiting for the subway. I
hate that somehow, some men have gotten it into their heads that it is
acceptable to call out disgusting, degrading things to women as they
cross the street. And I absolutely loathe the fact that the threat of
harassment, assault, and rape are constant in my life, simply because I
am a woman.
I am a relatively intelligent, well-educated woman. I’m a proud feminist. I don’t shy away from political debates. I work out (sometimes). I watch horror movies. I carry pepper spray, I have a kubaton on my keychain and I know how to use it. I
watch the History Channel a lot and know a disturbing amount about
various torture mechanisms (do you know what flaying is? It’s gross). I
like to think of myself as a strong, independent kind of woman. But I am
five feet tall. I have virtually no muscle mass. The sad truth is, I
will always be vulnerable.
I have heard some men in the church express
frustration over feeling pressured from the church and being held to
higher standards than the rest of the world. I have never been an LDS
man so I cannot comment on what this experience is like. As a woman,
however, I can say that I appreciate it. I know the church asks a lot of
its men. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to live up to the
standards and pressures placed on men but the church, but from my
perspective, the world needs it.
I don’t like needing anyone, but when the creepy
man at the post office put his hands on me and wouldn’t let go as I
tried to wrench free, I needed someone to help. I looked around for
someone to step in, to tell this guy to back off. The man standing
behind me looked away. I don’t need a babysitter, but I need someone to
say “Dude, stop it” when the creepy man isn’t listening to me. I need
someone to not look away or decide this isn’t his problem. I need
someone to step up.
Of course, women should be helping women, and we
are. But this should not be our burden to bear alone. We need men to be
men- step it up, and step in.
This is my plea to the men- Mormon men, mostly,
because that is my target demographic, but really to all men. I know the
church asks a lot of you, but I need you not to shrink back. I need you
to be the one who notices a girl who looks uncomfortable as a guy talks
to her and ignores her excuses for needing to leave, or if something
just seems off. I need you to tell your friends to stop objectifying
women, or call your buddy out when he talks to his girlfriend in a
degrading way. I need you to walk your female friend home if she asks,
because it’s late and we all know she’s less likely to be messed with if
you’re around. I need you to tell the creepy man or the guy being a
jerk to a girl to back off, even if you know him and you’re sure he
didn’t mean any harm. I need you not to laugh at rape jokes. I need you
not to make rape jokes. I need you to be respectful of women. I need you
to know who you are as a son of G-d, and all that that means. In a
world where “boys will be boys”, I need you to be the man G-d has called
you to be.
I consider myself a feminist, and I don’t think
this makes me any less deserving of that title. Being a feminist means
wanting the world to be a safe, fair place for both men and women. We
women can’t do it alone.
1 comment:
I read this and loved it too!
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