Chronicles of a Sick Girl

I feel like I've disappeared.

Tuesday started the first day of a new semester. At 4pm in my American Government class I started to cough. We're talking deep coughs from my lungs. This continued the rest of the evening.

Wednesday I woke up, still coughing, and went to work. It was there that I started having weird temperature changes. I would be really hot and then really cold (think: menopause). I felt so weak. Every time someone would come up to the desk with a package I would want to cry because I could not imagine myself being able to get out of the chair one more time. I hadn't eaten anything all day and around 2 or 2:30 my life was saved by Chelsey needing to go to the bathroom on her way home. She kindly took some money from me and went to the Creamery and bought me some juice and a Lunchable. I drank the juice and ate half the Lunchable. Later that night I would eat a bowl of cereal. That would be the extent of my caloric intake for the day. I walked home from work wanting to cry. I thought about how my first summer at BYU I got sick and it was one of the first times that I wanted my mom around. When I get sick I want someone to take care of me, but I don't know how to express that without feeling pathetic. As I continued on my walk I found myself realizing that at that moment I didn't want my mom. For once in my life I was sick and I didn't want my mom. I wanted Skyler. This might be pathetic, but it's the truth. And every time I needed him for the next few days he was there, no matter how busy he was or how early he'd have to get up the next morning. Once I got home I went to bed. I was hot, even though I had just walked home in the cold. I tried to sleep with just a sheet. Then I got cold, so I'd pull a blanket on. I would be warm until I was cold again and had to pull another blanket on. This process continued for two hours. I don't think that I actually went to sleep. And then the battery in my smoke detector apparently died and it started to beep. Marie wasn't home so Heather took the battery out for me. I laid on the couch. Megan came by for a bit. Skyler came by later. Skyler's visit would mark the last time I would sit up for the next 24 hours. Marie brought me home some soup. Finally I went to bed. However, I woke up every hour or two either freezing or burning up. At 6am I got out of bed and laid on the couch. Marie came and woke me up when my alarm started going off at 7:30.

I got back in bed. I didn't go to any of my classes. The next time I woke up was when David called to see if he could come by to pick up Skyler's chem book from me. At 11:30am he came by to get it. While he was standing by the door there was a knock and he opened it to find some man saying he had a package for me. It was one of my mom's online men. He left me the package from my mom and left. Then David left. I laid on the couch all day alternating between too hot and too cold, being awake and being asleep. It took everything I had to even search for my glass of water, and even more to get up and refill it. My neck felt like it was on fire. My body felt weak. I felt like I would fall if I started to stand. I couldn't eat but I was starving. Miraculously in my mom's package was a bag of marshmallows, and for whatever reason those I could eat (I don't really even LIKE marshmallows). When I was awake I couldn't really think. All I could really do was watch tv. I started to watch this show called Undercover Boss and it made me cry. My tears burned my eyes. At around 7pm I went to the kitchen. I had to eat something. Soup hadn't worked out well earlier in the day, but cereal had worked the night before. I got myself a bowl. I took two bites and thought that I was going to vomit. I sat at the kitchen table for who knows how long. I saw an orange in my fruit bowl. All I could think about was eating that orange. I grabbed it. I didn't have a clean spoon to peel it with. I couldn't get up to get one. So I peeled it with my fingers until just enough of the peel was gone so I could bite it. I ate the entire thing this way. I was still hungry. I tried chocolate. It had the same effect as the cereal. I grabbed a bag of frozen corn and put it on my neck with my head on the table. I couldn't feel that it was cold. I moved it to my face and felt my neck. It felt colder, but was really warm again within minutes. I kept trying to cool myself off with this frozen corn. Finally I called Skyler and left a message on his voicemail. I put the corn away and laid on the couch and started to fall into that weird unconscious state I'd been in all day. I touched my arm with my hand. It started to get really, really warm. Skyler called back. He was on his way home from his friend's house. He offered to stop by the store to buy me some bread. I told him that I couldn't eat. He stopped anyway. When he got to my place he went to the kitchen, made me some toast, brought it to me, and sat across the ottoman from me. I took two bites. I couldn't eat anymore. He told me I didn't have to. There was a knock on the door. It was for Heather. It was a guy from her major wanting to talk about classes and stuff. This is where it gets really awkward. Heather was under the impression that I was dying and in need of dire medical care. Yet when this guy shows up she sits in the living room with him, even though I'm lying on the couch talking to Skyler as he's trying to get me to eat this bread. She mentions to him that her roommate is on the couch "with a little cold". For the record, the only time I've ever felt sicker than this was when I had the swine flu. They sat there and talked so loud and I wanted to look at them and say something along the lines of: "I'm sorry, but I literally feel like death right now. Would you mind taking this very unimportant conversation outside or to his apartment as I feel like I can't move to go to my bed and even if I did the person who's trying to take care of me can't go in there with me?" Skyler and I pretty much said nothing the entire time they were out in the living room. Finally, the awkwardness got to be too much and after refilling my glass for me and grabbing some frozen broccoli for me, Skyler left. I went and got in bed. Two minutes later, Heather's friend left. I wanted to punch her in the face, but I didn't have the strength. I went to bed around 9pm. At 10:30pm I woke up sweating like I've never sweated before. I went to the bathroom. Heather started to try to talk to me about dinner groups or something like that and I wanted to turn to her and say something along the lines of: "Do I really look right now like I want to talk about something as meaningless as dinner groups?" My neck felt significantly cooler. I think my fever had broken. I got back in bed. I didn't wake up until 7am. I laid awake for an hour. I went back to sleep. I didn't wake up again until after noon.

I'm still sick. My nose is running, I have a headache, my muscles feel weak, I'm still coughing and the room spins if I move my head too quickly or if I try to bend down or anything like that. But the fever is no longer an issue, which is definitely a good thing. So I'm still on the couch but I'm partially sitting up. And I feel like that is a blessing.