Some time back I was having some issues with a really good friend of mine. As these issues boiled over this friend wrote me a note. Recently some things in my life have led me to ponder over and refer to the words in this note:
"I'm not sure why it is that sometimes I say thoughtless things. I don't know why I can be so quick to judge and retort. These are things I often wonder as I desire to become a better person and friend."
Recently I have had lots of "things I often wonder" on. And I feel like this note says it better than I ever could.
I haven't been doing so well. I've been feeling hurt and broken. I seem to be failing at every aspect of my life and I don't know how to make any of it better. As soon as I think that I have one aspect under control it plummets again and I'm stuck in this reoccurring and never ending circle.
I have failed drastically in the dating department.
I have hoped for Rowena's job for well over a year and think that I won't be getting it.
I need to retake my spring class and my GPA is well below med school acceptance level.
My friendships are falling to pieces.
I have no ward to turn to.
Humor U is never going to put me back into a show and I have almost no material to even share with them.
And I am in general a quick tempered, easily frustrated, inappropriate, cruel and hurtful.
I can't help but wonder if this is the pride cycle kicking me in the butt. I feel like life was really good for awhile and now I can feel my life falling around me in shambles. The point is: I am trying. I recognize my failures and shortcomings. I am not blind to them. But when every aspect of your life is failing it's hard to get them to all come together again in such a short time. I need time to fix everything and I feel like as soon as I start in one area another one comes crashing down. I am really trying and I will continue to try. But until then I'd like a little patience and understanding, although I know full well that that is something I have been lacking as of late. And until I am full Jessica again, I am sorry. And I am trying to become a better person and friend.
Welcome, Minnie!!
5 months ago
4 comments:
Yessica, I love you. We need to hang. Play with a little play dough and maybe have some apartment Olympics or something. Until then, remember this, "When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives." -Ezra Taft Benson. God has perfect patience for you. Have patience with yourself. Don't be in a hurry for perfection.
hey. give yourself more credit. you aren't sucking half as bad as you think you are. I don't know what's going on, I just know that about you.
I know you care about Humor U, but I don't really care about them.... I think you're funny.
Jessica. I love you. And if it makes you feel better I did not pass my teacher exam to be a "highly qualified teacher" for the second time. I have actually been crying for the past half-hour. Sometimes life is just hard and we ask "why?". I have no advice to give but 1. I am grateful for what Joanna and Sandi said - thanks girls. 2. All I want you to know is that I am feeling the same emotions and its hard and scary.
I'll pray for you if you'll pray for me? Sometimes that is all I know to do.
Good luck girl, things will work out.
Psh, listen: Humor U can/will happen for you. I know it. The only reason I got in? I had NOTHING else going on in my life and had the time and energy to devote to it. YOU can totally do it. I know it. I never sent you that email. I need to get on that business.
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