Lucky Clothes

I bought this top in a pretty light blue color at Down East about a month ago. It was more money than I have ever spent on a single shirt. It hurt to pay for it. I thought that I was spending way too much for an article of clothing, but I thought that it was lovely. I thought that it was a lovely color on me, and I loved the cut. I once read about lucky clothes, and other clothes that bring up memories. This was to be my lucky shirt. Dave and I had been having problems when I bought it, and I thought that the minute he saw me in it he'd think about how beautiful I was. I guess it was just me being naive.

I wore it for the first time on a Saturday. I went to the temple with Boyd and Hayley. I threw it on while Dave was waiting for me in the lobby. Instead of telling me how pretty I looked, he asked why I was dressed up. As if I hadn't just been telling him how I was going to the temple. That night he broke up with me sitting on the bench in front of Taylor Hall, while I was wearing my "lucky shirt". I wore that shirt a couple Sundays ago. That was the Sunday that I was stuck with my visiting teaching companion for a half hour on her bed. And the Sunday where I vocally admitted that nothing was ever going to happen between James and I.

I wore it again today. I figured that I was going on a fun trip with Levi and Hilary, and I wanted to wear this shirt to watch 500 Days of Summer. Tonight, Dave and I sat on that same bench while I wore that same top, and he told me about how he felt like crap because I didn't inform someone that I used to work with that Dave was not actually a creeper. Seriously? You acted abrasive towards me all night while Levi and I were at the desk, and you tell me it's because I didn't stand up for you earlier that day? A of all, it would have been better had you told me that you were jealous that I was hanging out with another boy. B of all, do you really not realize that I admitted to having dated you when I could have denied it? Or that when she was told that I broke up with you, that I corrected it and said that you had actually dumped me? So what if one girl thought that you were a creeper! I dated you! You think that that would make up for something! And let's not forget the embarrassment that I get to feel knowing that everyone thinks that the person I chose to date was a creeper! That makes me look bad, too! I stood up for you just by dating you! Get over yourself. Stop trying to make me stroke your ego. I am not your girlfriend anymore. Don't text me your whereabouts late at night. Don't tell me about your family problems. Tell that to your new girlfriend. You know, the one you broke up with me for. So yes, I was selfish, and when you started to get emotional about your brother, I didn't say anything, because a month ago in exactly 48 hours, you broke up with me on that same bench while I was wearing what was supposed to be my lucky shirt. It's tainted. Thanks. I really appreciate the tainting of the one shirt I spent a whole $10 more on than I have any other shirt.

P.S. One day I'm going to start believing that this shirt isn't unlucky anymore. And I'm going to wear it in front of a guy that appreciates me, and will tell me exactly how beautiful he thinks I look in it. And I'll probably have his babies. And I'm going to make him wildly happy. And I'm going to stroke his ego as much as I want to. And no one is ever going to think that he was a creep. And he is going to love me unconditionally. And he won't mind the fact that I want to be a doctor and that I'll have to go through med school that will put us into debt. And he'll make me feel good about myself. And he won't ever make me feel like he could do better than me, instead, he'll act as if he's the luckiest man in the world. The end.

P.S.S. Regarding when you asked me if Levi had a good time today, yes I think that he did. Proving the fact that guys can have a good time around me even if we're just friends and not spending our entire time together kissing. In fact, most people have a good time around me period. Period.