"The Summer is Young"?

Ugh. Dave and I had a talk yesterday.

D: I'm pretty sure that Rowena still thinks I'm a creeper.
J: I don't think she does.
D: Why do you say that?
J: Well, today she made the comment that she didn't know why we weren't dating and that we should be.
D: Well, the summer is young. That's all I'm going to say.
TOPIC CHANGE AND THEN OUT OF THE BLUE...
D: If things with Lindsey don't work out, then it's something that we might want to do. But my only fear is that if we were to, that all the CAs would alienate you. They already don't invite you places because we're friends, and if we were more they might ignore you altogether. So that would have to be your choice.

Here's the thing: I like Dave. I really do. He's a great guy. And we get along really well. Do I want to date Dave? Yes. I do. But a of all, I don't want to be anyone's second choice. If he would really only consider dating me after he sees what happens with Lindsey, then I don't think I'm really interested. And things would be awkward. But leaving Dave out of this entire picture... I still really like James. A lot. And I wish that I didn't because it would be so much easier if I didn't. Let's be honest, it really isn't a whole lot of fun when you really like a guy and he just... ignores you. It's not even just ignoring, though. It's so much more. It's like, I can't tell what he's thinking. But the longer time goes on the more I feel like I know that he doesn't care for me at all. I got over Scott because Nate showed up. And I got over Nate because James showed up. And now Dave's shown up and I still like James. And I hate James! It's like this pendulum and at time intervals I really really like him, and at other times, I hate him. I hate him because I like him so much and he doesn't feel the same way. And I hate him because I try to find fault with him and it makes me like him more. And I hate him because he said that he would call and he didn't. And it's embarassing to see him. And then I hate myself for liking him even though I hate him. And the truth is that I cannot date Dave unless I don't have these feelings for James anymore. Because I'm terrified that the second that Dave and I start dating James will finally come around. So until I don't have that fear, I can't date Dave. Which sucks because I want to date Dave. Or maybe I just want to date someone, and Dave is there. I don't know. I think that I genuinly like Dave, but the James thing throws me off. I hate boys. I HATE BOYS! And it's times like these that I wish that I felt my Savior's love more, so that at least I could keep in mind that He has a plan for me. But it's hard when all I really want is to find my eternal companion (and trust me, not necessarily either of the two above named individuals, just in general) and I keep feeling like it's time, and I also keep feeling like He's not listening to me. Why can't we have a phone so that we could talk to our Father in Heaven, rather than having to rely upon promptings of the spirit that could easily be confused with our own thoughts and feelings? UGH.