And I'm Slightly Obsessed With It.

We're moving tomorrow and the apartment is in total disarray.  Like it's disgusting.  But it makes me so happy to be moving!  I often have this urge to move every couple of months.  I'm fine with the cycle, except it makes me really anxious near the end because I just feel so ready to get up and leave.  But I haven't had that urge in this apartment as I typically do.  I didn't feel the urge to move after last summer, or at the eight month mark in December, or even at the end of winter semester when I typically move.  But I'm feeling it now which makes me feel really good about my future.  Like I've learned what I needed to learn in this apartment, with these roommates, in this ward.

Yesterday I was feeling so utterly satisfied with my life.  I was packing and thinking about how excited I am to make a new apartment a home with Marie, Selina and Jess (plus Randi (aka: the random roommate)).  And then I thought about where I had previously imagined my life to be right about now.  I figured I would be packing up, but to leave for medical school.  I didn't feel regret about this in anyway.  Rather, I was incredibly grateful to be exactly where I was doing exactly what I was doing.

I had spent the afternoon with the Blake Fisher.  In an unexpected divergence from the norm for us, we were at his apartment where he was preparing an eclair cake as a refreshment for the next day.  He fed me graham crackers with the leftover pudding and microwaved us pot pies.  I've worried the last few weeks if things would be the same between us after his long summer in Washington (okay, so two months isn't even that long, but whatever).  I had worried the same thing with Marie when she was in D.C. for four months but everything was fine when she got back.  I just worry a lot in general.  But besides the fact that he was the one handling the food it was the same for us.  I didn't feel like things were awkward or like we had progressed apart from our friendship.  It was just... us.

So when I looked around at my apartment I felt fulfilled.  Yes, I'm missing out on what I always thought my dream was.  But I'm so very grateful to be able to still spend time with BFish.  And to see Selina marry JonJon.  And to continue to learn from conversations with MegP and Annette.  Have I yet mentioned how much I respect and love talking to MegP?  Well, I do.  And while Marie is not my wesbian wover (because as far as I am aware neither of us are wesbians), I feel like she has taken on the role of confidant, the same way that I see my friends and their spouses work.  Somehow I was incredibly lucky to end up with her as my best friend.  Maybe I'll write an awkward Facebook status about how I have the most awesome and wonderful best friend in the whole entire world and I can only hope that others can be as lucky and as blessed as I have been to find someone who enriches their life like she enriches mine.  Marie is probably going to hate this whole diatribe.

While spending the last couple of weeks going to Seven Peaks with Ashley and Matix, Camille, George and Noah, I have wondered if I have missed out on my chance to "join the club."  I love being with this group, I truly do (or else I wouldn't go to Seven Peaks with them, obviously).  And I feel so good inside when Matix lets me snuggle him while he chews on my swimsuit beads or when Noah lets me swim him around the lazy river.  But did I miss out on something?  Should I too have gotten married two years ago?

Had I gotten married two summers ago, I wouldn't have had Heather or Ann as roommates, and then where would my life be?  I would have missed out on learning how to live without my best friend in my life when Marie went to D.C.  I wouldn't have felt as comfortable dancing and moving my body had I not taken Zumba with Megan and Annette (which I suspect I wouldn't have taken with them as Megan and I weren't the best of friends prior to being CAs together) or lived with Sarah and Cami where dancing became a necessity in our apartment.  I wouldn't have learned how to live with as many different types of personalities as I have (Shelby and Erin, Tina and Jess, Hope and Alyssa, so many personalities much different from my own).  I would have never been a CA for a third summer, which means that I wouldn't have become friends with what has become my core group of friends: MegP, Megan, Annette, Blake and Ariel.  I would never have experienced Skyler and everything that came along with that.

Basically, I'm glad that I have thus far missed out on "joining the club."  And it's not that I don't think I could have eventually learned these things while being married, it's just that I'm grateful for the way that I have been able to learn them.  Granted tomorrow I may cry to Marie as I fall asleep about how I'm not married, but I'm realizing that Heavenly Father has a plan for me.  My original plan would have had me married two years ago, being student coordinator at Helaman (missing out on all the wonderful times I had at Campus Accommodations), and going to medical school right now.  But I believe that I've lived this great plan for my life that Heavenly Father has and I am so grateful for every hiccup in the plans that I have made for myself.  For the things that I have always perceived as trials in my life.  Because what I want to be doing with my life RIGHT NOW is moving in with Marie, Selina and Jess to a new apartment and working with G, T and A with all the weird things that come along with it. 

I love this life. I love my station in life.  I love my friends.  I love my insanely strange job.  I love my family.  This life isn't necessarily easy, but it's mine.  And I'm slightly obsessed with it.