Graduation

Today I skipped out on the first few hours of work to go with Marie and Megan to B. Fish’s graduation convocation. We saw him step up to the stage at the front of the room to sit in preparation for giving his speech. We knew it was him, even though we were farther away and he had gotten a snazzy new hair cut. When he got up he spoke on love and education and how they relate to each other. As B. Fish said when we learn more about a subject we can’t help but love it, and when a teacher loves a subject it makes the students more interested in learning about it. Is this not true? I loved anatomy. And I mean loved. I didn’t always understand it and I still couldn’t tell you where a muscle’s origins and insertions are located. But Tomco was such a great teacher and she taught with so much enthusiasm and her face would light up with each new body system. And how much did I hate cell bio? Yes, that professor was just as enthusiastic but it made no sense whatsoever to me. I hated it. I learned nothing. My “D” proves that.

But what I thought about most was the feeling that the graduates must be having and how it compared to my own. I imagine college graduation as this glamorous production. It is long and formal, just as I thought it would be. But the room was pretty empty and as I sat in an audience with lots of open chairs surrounding me I felt pretty removed. But for the graduates, this was it. I remember how high school graduation felt. Like an accomplishment. And even though I sat by these people that I didn’t know or care about we had all made it through high school which, ironically, is a thing to be celebrated in Oxnard, CA. But it was exciting and hopeful and I’m sure that the graduates all felt that mixed with something else as well.

I couldn’t help but think that in just 8 months that will be me. And not only that, but for Megan and Marie who were with me. I imagined what it would be like to wake up one day eight months from now in a room mostly packed up, final finals behind me, and to stare at the graduation cap and gown hanging on the closet in front of me. How lonely and scared I will be. At least, that’s how I feel about it now. What happens then? Hopefully medical school. But where? And will I know anyone else? Will I have friends? Will this be the last time that I see Megan and Marie, as we finish what we’ve been working on for so long?

But in the end, graduation is just the beginning, which is why we call it “commencement”. And even though now I envision myself full of terror and confusion on that day, I hope that I’ll be just as hopeful as the day I sat at my high school graduation, knowing that in just a few months I would be somewhere new, learning and growing like I always have.