Callings Pt. 2

About a month and a half ago I got a new calling. I was called to be the Relief Society greeter. I hated that calling. I would awkwardly stand at the door to the Relief Society room to greet the sisters as they came in. But as one of the two Sunday school classes met in that room the majority of the sisters would already be in there. So the only person I would really talk to was Katherine, the very young wife of the very young second counselor. Thank heavens for her. But I always felt like I wasn't doing a very good job. I would purposefully look for girls sitting alone in Sacrament or Sunday school and I never saw any except for the ones waiting for their boyfriends to finish with the Sacrament. During the longest visiting teaching appointment of my life my companion and the girl I visit teach talked about how our Relief Society is really segregated and clique and no one sits with anyone they don't know. I realized that I needed to be better at my calling. I could improve and help bring the sisters together.

That was on Wednesday. The Sunday before one of the executive secretaries came up to me and asked if I would meet with the bishop in a week. I agreed. I assumed that it was a "check up" or a meeting to tell me to be better at being the Relief Society greeter. It was neither. He gave me a new calling.

I've often thought about what my ideal calling would be. I've always wanted useful callings. I enjoyed being in Primary, both teaching and playing the piano. I enjoyed being a Relief Society teacher but I don't know if I would enjoy that in a family ward. I've often thought that being in Young Women's would kill my feminist soul. But I've always (and I am ashamed of this) wanted to be in some sort of leadership role. Instead of being on the Enrichment committee I wanted to be the Enrichment chair. It was the same way with the activities committee. I've felt like I've had ideas but that no one has wanted to listen to them so it's been pointless going to committee meetings where my ideas aren't wanted. What's the point? There is none. But I've always worried that I want some form of recognition. Isn't that one of the main reasons for auditioning for Humor U? Why I thought that I deserved the student coordinator position? Do I think myself too high above others? Is this why I want to be a doctor? Do I have some sort of superiority complex?

"Jessica, let's start with a prayer. Would you offer it?"
"Sure, but, I don't really know why I'm here. Is there anything specific I should be praying for?"
"Didn't you ask for this meeting?"
"No, I was told you wanted to meet with me."
"Hold on." He left the room for a minute and returned.
"Okay, I know why we're here. Would you mind saying the prayer?"
"Is there anything specific I should pray about?"
"Nope. Just the usual." I said a quick prayer.
"Jessica, you don't have a calling do you?"
"I do. I'm the Relief Society greeter."
"Well, we have a new calling for you. But first, what would be your ideal calling?"
"I think I'd like to be the Primary pianist."
"Well, I can't help you out with that one. But we've got another one."
"It doesn't have to do with the piano, does it? Because I'm really not that good."
"Hence the reason you want to be in the Primary?"
"Yes."
"No, it's not the piano. But I think you should stay open to being a chorister. Have you ever been a chorister?"
"No."
"Well, I think it's something you should keep in the back of your mind. I think you'd do well as a primary chorister and you should be prepared for the day that you're called to serve as a chorister."
"Is that day today?"
"No. Today we'd like to ask you to serve as the secretary in the Relief Society presidency."
"Oh, okay."
"How do you feel about that?"

This is when I lied. I told him that I was nervous. Because I'd never done it. I'm not nervous. I'm not really sure what I am. I'm excited to be a part of a presidency. But I'm new and unsure. And I feel awkward. I feel like Heavenly Father is starting to trust me a little more. Or that he's trying to teach me something HUGE like humility, which I think is something I struggle with. I'm worried that because I feel satisfied with this calling that I am cocky. I have no desire to be the president. But the secretary. This I like. This I can handle. This makes me feel important and part of the Relief Society, which I haven't felt before. But I'm also worried about the timing of this calling. On Friday I take the MCAT and before then I have to visit teach, be visit taught and figure out how to do this calling from the old secretary.

They asked me to introduce myself today. I stood up and said my name was Jessica, that I was from Southern California and I attend BYU, studying physiology. I explained that Relief Society was my favorite hour of church and that while I knew very few people that I was excited to get to know all of them. These things are true. I sat down. I did not bear my testimony. And I'm worried because I realize that this means that at some point I will have to bear it in front of people. Maybe that's the point of this calling. I need to learn to share my testimony with others. Either way, I'm excited. And happy! And I think it's really strange that people are congratulating me on this calling, when no one ever said congratulations to being a greeter. Is a calling really something to congratulate over? Like I've won something that I've been working for? Anyway.