Spring Rain

It's been raining. I love the rain. I love trees with pink and white blossoms, even if the white ones smell bad.

Today I took my last final for the semester. I don't know how I did, but I guess I don't really care too much. I spent the evening packing. Hopefully my home teachers will be helping me move some junk into the Taylor basement tomorrow. Who knows, though. Now I'm at work. Working.

I feel tired. I don't feel relieved. I feel swamped. I don't feel excited. But I don't feel too forlorn, either. I don't even really feel like I'm opening the next chapter of a book. I feel like I'm on replay. I do this all the time. I'm tired of moving. I'm tired of finals. I'm tired.

I feel like so many people have inertia in their lives right now. So many people are getting married, or graduating, or expecting a child or going home for summer. And I am living in Taylor 2002. Again. I'm the only returning CA. I don't want to spend 4 months trying to get to know people. I don't want to make best friends, but I don't want to alienate myself, either. I guess I just want to do something different for once. I am not thrilled about being the old person. Or the dependable one. Or the experienced one. Or the single one.

David's coming home from his mission. Tomorrow. I miss him. I miss feeling like I can talk to him on the phone legally. I miss him making inappropriate comments with me and telling me about how the snow cones across the street turned his poo lime green or deep blue. I know I shouldn't be excited that he's coming back, but I am. I know it's hard for him to leave his mission when he's finally finding success, but hopefully his back will get better and then he can go back out. In the mean time, I'm happy to have my friend back. Maybe I'll even have a date to Ashley's reception, now.

Also, I miss kissing. And man shoulders. I don't miss Dave. I just miss kissing. And man shoulders. But not Dave. I used to get so mad when people would complain that they hadn't kissed someone in so many weeks or months, when I'd gone 20 years. But once you've done it, and you know what you're missing, it sucks. Other things that suck include everyone at the desk getting hit on or being flirted with random guys. For once I'd like to be sitting at work on the computer and have someone come up to me and ask me for my number. Preferably a male. Preferably not a freshman. Maybe I ask for too much. But it's better than settling for too little.

What am I happy about right now? I'm happy that I get my own space this summer! I don't have to do anyone's dishes but my own. I don't have to share closet space. I can disappear and no one will notice. I get my own fridge! I don't have to cook to eat! I will never have to take o-chem again (except for the labs, but that's different)! I'm going on a roadtrip! Dave will not be around this summer. David. My David. My little David. Hayley and Boyd are getting married in 3 days! There are still blessings and good things to look forward to in my future. And it's raining. And I love the rain.