Mr. Darcy

Em and I were talking about alcohol.  She said that she knows several people who don't drink and not just for religious reasons.  But growing up it was a given:  you'd go out to drink on your 21st birthday and would continue to order an alcoholic beverage every time after that.  She said that drinking brought people closer together.  You'd sit on a porch with a cooler full of beer chatting about life and getting to know each other.  I could see that.  And I could see how drinking would make you feel safe enough to tell each other personal things.

But... I think there's something to be said about sharing personal things when you're not drunk.  When you've got all of your faculties intact.  When you have consciously decided that you trust the other person enough to share something big and important.  I think it's beautiful.  And it makes me know how Tom felt in [500] Days of Summer, when Summer starts telling him about her dreams and he realizes that he's the only person who has ever heard her say those things.

I've been thinking a lot about trust recently.  There are so many things I never want to forget, and the conversation that spurred these thoughts is one of them.  But I don't think I have the words or the ability to share the experience.  But... do I trust people?  I do, obviously.  There are lots of people I trust.  If I let you read my blog then I trust you.  But... do I really?  I think there's a difference between trusting someone enough to share with them your past or your present and sharing your future with them.  I don't know if there's anyone I trust enough right now that I would give them my future.

Which brings me to... men.  Good men.  Christ like men.  And how I worry that there are very, very few men in my life that I think of in these categories.  It's not that I think men are bad.  I just don't know how to trust them.  It really bothered me that when I thought about the men that I would classify as "good" that I came up with two names.  After thinking about it for a few more weeks I came up with a third name.  And I'm debating on a fourth.  Why is this so difficult for me?  How do you let someone in enough to trust them?  And what makes someone a good man?

Oh goodness.  I'm Mr. Darcy, who knows very few women he would consider "accomplished."  If I have to be Mr. Darcy, then I'd like to be the Colin Firth one.  Just sayin'.