Spoiler: I've Never Been Pregnant

I've never been pregnant (although in high school there was a time when I didn't have my period for a few months and I wondered if perhaps there was some immaculate conception going on).  But I'm reading a book on pregnancy (Do Chocolate Lovers Have Sweeter Babies?) and I'm learning a lot.  While I'm learning how to predict if someone will have a boy or a girl and what my chances of having Parkinson's Disease are, I'm also learning that pregnancy symptoms are mirroring my current "Lady Time." 

I almost cried several times today.

Because I'm single on Valentine's Day?  No.  In fact, I loved this year's Valentine's.  I posted way too many Valentine's on Facebook and made Marie a cake with a heart in the center of it.  It was legit.  I've eaten more of it than she has.  Not ashamed.

I had to hold back tears while watching Here Comes the Boom.  Yeah.  The movie about a disgruntled teacher who starts MMA fighting to raise money to save his school's music program.  Like I almost cried three times.  At work.  Surrounded by my boys and my male coworkers that kept looking over at me as I continually announced "I'm gonna cry!" (a slight inconvenient tendency I have when I almost cry while watching TV). 

And then I got home and watched this short film by Disney called "Paperboy."  Almost bawled.  Straight up.  I thought it was the most adorable thing I'd ever seen.

Also I almost started crying when I got stopped for jaywalking tonight by a police officer--normal reaction.  But seriously, there weren't any cars near me and it was midnight.  And while I crossed in the middle of a block with two crosswalks on each end of it... I had just walked through a school parking lot where a car was parked and I heard weird sounds coming from near the trashcans and then a man crossed the street near me and I didn't want to stand by all this stuff while waiting for the 3 minute long light to change at 500W and 500N.  I have a vagina and weak muscles and I'm more than a little scared of being attacked (even if I am undesirable, fool).

Also, my sense of smell has been in hyper drive.  Like I could smell T's sweat today and it was not good.  And my apartment smelled like seafood all day.  And I could smell G's sweaty sheets from the hallway while not lingering in his doorway. 

And all I want to eat is chocolate. 

And also my boobs hurt.  And I can't stop peeing. 

And I'm tempted to climb into Marie's bed to cuddle, but she would wake up or sleep talk on me and it would be weird.  Not her reaction, but getting in bed with a sleeping woman in general would be weird.  I should stop where this is going because I already had to censor her Facebook Valentine in case my dad or Peggy saw it somehow.  They already think we're a couple, or at least that's what their Christmas gift of a Christmas tree ornament with both of our names on it would allude to.

Also yesterday all I wanted to do was look at puppies on Pinterest.

In case you were wondering you should eat 5 servings of dark chocolate a week while you're pregnant.  It lowers your stress levels which helps your baby.