Late Night Escapades

We need to talk about my roommate situation.  I have switched rooms in the same apartment in order to share a room with the lovely Marie.  Selina is still here, and we have three new roommates.

First off there is Alyssa.  She shares a room with Selina and is a little fireball.  She is 23 and seems to be go, go, go all the freaking time.  But if it weren't for her we wouldn't have nearly as much fun.  Alyssa brings all the boys to the yard... for our roommate Hope.  Hope is just barely 18 and is on the Obama train like a few other people we know.  Hope is gorgeous.  She is also usually mature for her age and says her biggest goal in life is to make it to Heaven.  She's a rock star.  She also thinks that there is nothing wrong with the 20 year old girl she shares a room with... Ann.  But here's the thing.  Ann has Asperger's, I'm pretty sure.  We often exclaim that we don't trust her to drive because of it.  Ann is WAY tiny and wears little girl clothes.  She has a boyfriend, Jesse, who is equally as awkward (I think he also has Asperger's) and they flirt with each other and cannot stop touching each other to save their lives.  They also pray and read scriptures together which makes us all feel awkward.  Did I mention that they have very strange hobbies like watching anime and "practicing" a song together that is a duet from The Prince of Egypt?

Ann has been known to come out of her room and yell at us if we're being too loud.  But we can't take her seriously because she looks like a child and (I know I'm a terrible person) has a speech impediment that takes away any credibility.  Last night Marie and I were in our room watching a little Netflix (Switched at Birth, don't judge me) and then we talked for awhile.  Next thing we knew it was like, 2:30am.  I needed to go to the bathroom but heard voices.  I wondered if Hope was in the living room with someone and then I realized that it was Selina's voice, and I could hear her and Alyssa talking to each other in their room (although I couldn't actually hear what they were saying).  So I sneaked over to their door, threw it open and yelled a little, which caused both of them to freak out.  After we settled down we got back into our own beds and the following texting conversation happened between me and Selina:

Me:  Umm... Someone is in the bathroom and it's not us or you.  Who did we wake up?
Selina:  Check their bedroom.  Probably Hope.
M:  Their door was open but I was scared.

Then Selina and Alyssa ran into our room.  We talked for a few minutes and they left, and I promptly let out the biggest fart of my life.

S:  Did you just fart?
M:  I know not of what you speak.
S:  I heard somebody make some noise... and then you laughed.
M:  I did laugh.  I'm still laughing.
M:  Ok, it was me.  But this is a 3am secret that no one else hears.
S:  LOL

Marie and I start talking about how she needs to pee but is scared.  I try to convince her to hold it until the morning or to use a cup in our room.

M:  Marie needs to pee but she's afraid that Ann will be standing outside the door with her hair in her face like the girl from The Ring.
S:  Are you sharing a bed still?  Also that's terrifying.
M:  No.  But she asked me to guard the bathroom door while she's in there.
S:  Sleepover in the living room?
M:  We're scared of Samara Ann.
S:  Is that her new name?
M:  And I'm gassy.  Yes it is.
S:  Well Lyss is going to get farted on tonight.
M:  Marie is freaking out that she needs to use the bathroom.
S:  Do you want us to help?
M:  No.  She wants me to help.
S:  Have fun!

Huddled in the living room terrified.

At this point Marie and I get out of our beds and I grab a glass bottle in our room that we use as a vase.  I hold it above my head as we walk into the hallway.  Promptly Selina and Alyssa run out of their rooms at us with their hair in their faces.  We all run into the living room when we hear it.  The middle bedroom door has opened and Samara Ann is yelling "GO TO BED!"  Absolutely terrifying.  We all bolt to the couch where we start shivering.  Marie looks absolutely terrified as she covers her face and repeats "I'm so scared, I'm so scared."  We are all cowering and I start laughing so hard that I begin to pee.  But just a little bit.  We try to quiet down and take turns using the bathroom before we go back to bed.  Once in our beds again:

S:  Did you hear that?
M:  What/Who was that?
S:  Was that you?!?
S:  Ah!  I bet it's Samara eating spoiled pancakes! (Ann's milk went sour so she used it to make a hundred pancakes that she then froze in our freezer)
M:  No!  Our door is locked because we're terrified!  It has to be you.
S:  Not us.
M:  She's scoping the joint out!  So creepy.
M:  And she's not back in her room yet. (four minutes from the time we heard a door open.  We also heard a cupboard open, the water running, and a cup set down, but never a door closing.)
S:  What if she's going to Jessie's?
M:  No way!
M:  She put her cup down and we haven't heard any other noise.  What if she's outside our doors?
M:  Stop laughing so loud, Alyssa!
S:  She says it's Lyss.  Can you really hear it?
M:  Yes!
S:  Yikes.  Poor Samara.
M:  Stop yelling!  OMG!  DOES SHE WANT THE WRATH OF SAMARA ANN?
S:  Our door doesn't lock...
M:  We know.

And at 4am we finally drifted off to sleep in the silence that terrified us, imagining Ann standing just outside our doors.