Mmhmm.

I've been a bad record keeper. I fully admit it.

In my defense, my life has been full of school and work and church stuff. It's been a busy semester and I wish I could say that it will pay off with good grades but the truth is that it definitely will not be. I've been treading water.

Also, I feel like the only thing in my life to talk about right now is how I am so lost and confused about what I'm going to be doing after graduation. And I, more than anyone, wish that I had an answer of some type. But I don't. Hopefully I'll be happy and not feeling like a mess. But you never know.

In quick family updates, Jacob wants to join the military. Apparently I am the only person to raise the question of whether or not he should go into the military because he's gay. I just think that regardless of whether or not Don't Ask, Don't Tell was repealed, that change doesn't happen in a day and people who join the military aren't usually so gay friendly.

I'm going to my mom's for Christmas, and I recently found out that Jason is, too. It's that much more of a burden now to go.

I'm thinking about a few ways to revitalize my writing. I have some good ideas. Hopefully my last semester of school won't be too bad and I'll have some progress in my life to share and more to talk about than just Marie not being here. I've wanted to talk about Marie leaving for quite sometime, but I feel as if it's not quite appropriate yet. There are other things that I want to share. Personal things. I've thought about sharing them and then I recall the time that I tried to be honest about how I felt about the failure of my book club and how Levi and I didn't talk for months after that. Not that I didn't deserve it. I just mean that most people in my life check this out every once in awhile, and when what I want to say may not go over so well with them, it's hard. Maybe that'll be my theme for the next few weeks.

I'm exploring alternate routes for after graduation. Not that I'm giving up on med school, because I'm not. But I feel like I won't be getting accepted (or an interview, for that matter) anywhere so I need a back up plan. And that is all.